My 19 year old baby will be leaving me on Tuesday.
My mom and dad got Candace for me when I was 16, she was 2. Im now turning 33 in a couple months and Candace is around 19. She has been around for every major life event, and I've had a wild life. I don't know how to exist without know she's there. She's just always been there.
But she's declining. Starting in August 2025 she started getting UTIs frequently. She already was diagnosed with kidney disease and was on medication for that and high blood pressure. We've been treating UTIs pretty consistently since then.
Two weeks ago is when she really began to decline. Before then, she was just my little trooper, always taking her meds and eating her prescribed wet food. She got an IV for antibiotics at the vet and then decided she didnt want wet food. She was on a hunger strike for a bit, we tried so many different foods/supplements. But she turned it around! I thought we were at the end last weekend, but she started eating and was her happy self again. We took her to the vet and her labs were great, just had to check her urine again on Wednesday of this week.
She won't be going to that appointment. Shes barely eating, but im spoiling her with her favorites as much as I can, and her mobility is getting worse. My parents want to wait, but I cant. I know it's her time and I would hate to be "too late" and have her suffer.
So I reached out to an at home euthanasia service at 7:50pm. I didnt expect them to call within minutes, on 4th of July, despite them being open 24/7. We set up and appointment for Tuesday between 3 and 4. My heart is absolutely broken, but I wont let my girl suffer.
Im posting here because I was raised not to show emotions or cry. My parents and I are in separate rooms dealing with this by ourselves as the fireworks begin going off. Im sitting here, with my kitty, crying alone because I dont know how to ask for comfort or show this side of me. We've never shown this level of emotion together and I dont think we know how. I've never even seen my mom cry. My dad is in denial and if it was up to him, he'd wait for her to "pass naturally." But he doesnt understand that that wont be peaceful.
I dont know how we will be able to witness her pass together, but still keep the walls up that we normally have. Maybe this will break them. Or maybe, like with arranging her passing, Ill be with her alone as she goes.