Honestly, I don't know what to do.
My OCD "started" around six years ago. It affects the things I love most: my family and my hobbies(reading, watching movies). When I read, it's impossible for me not to relate it or make grotesque associations with the people I love and then think about it for MONTHS. Or, when I try to picture a character in a book, I replace it with a family member. I spend all day trying to avoid encounters that might trigger the association. I stopped reading for many years until two years ago when I tried to start again, but I always end up having a crisis and crying with overwhelming anxiety. I know the answer is to stop reading, but it's really the only thing I like/liked doing. I was on Lexapro 40mg for many years, and this January I started Luvox, but honestly, neither has worked. Unfortunately, I can't access therapy because of the cost. All of this hurts a lot, and the worst part is that, from what I can see, it's a rare type of OCD, but it's still OCD.