I miss myself
I feel like the title explains itself. I miss myself. My fiance is busy alot, and he always apologizes for working and being busy. Like, thats what he is supposed to do. He is supposed to work. And yet he feels sorry bc im miserable at home. Im less miserable when hes around, but still miserable. And i just so dearly want a life. I cant talk to my friends about it, and i dont want the advice from my family. I feel alone. I have the most perfect partner, and i feel so alone. Im tired of being in pain, and im so tired of sleeping. I have a few hobbies now, i used to not be able to do anything, but those are limited. Im just done. And i want to binge watch a show and i cant bc it will throw me into a crash.
I just listened to piranesi, and i understand the horrors of it all. But i wish I had what he did. He was content. Was it misguided and built on trauma? Yes, but he was content. How do i get that. How do i see beauty and feel alive while trapped in this goddamn body.