I think i'll ruin my life with this degree
Hey you guys so this may seem like an emotional rant, but I wanna vent a little and get any thoughts.
When I first began applying, I had the option of nursing, pharmacy, or computer science and I chose computer science because at the time I felt it was going to be a good path to a decent paying job, and it's stable too. It wasn't until I was already in the CS program I began hearing the doom and gloom of the CS job market, however I didn't want to switch out of it because hey it's a rewarding major and maybe i'll make something work.
I always began networking since freshman year when I was living in college and I did talk to recruiters and applied for internships like Google STEP, but was rejected from that and few that I talked to advised I wait for junior year internships and begin applying.
I never lived in the dorm in junior year because I chose to take mostly only online classes and the classes were tough, in fact, end of sophomore year the courses were already tough and I was super anxious of failing a class and wasting away money, especially since I faced pressure from myself and my parents to do well, this caused me to prioritize passing my classes over networking, which went down to junior year of college and I still didnt network in person although I was cold applying to roles online.
One of the main reasons I stopped going to networking events was because I had no car and no reliable source of transportation. I live in an area where there are no busses nearby so i'd usually Uber the entire way to my school and back which costed around ~$110 usually.
You may be wondering where I even got that money from, and it was the same job i've been working from high school which was at a fast food 1.7 miles to my home, so it was very walkable.
The big issue now is this: because I was focused on studying and passing my classes, I never took in person networking seriously because I have no car. Nearly all the money I get working summers at Wendys were funneled into my tuition with the help of my mom, but because this junior year I didn't go to on campus housing, I was able to pay most of my tuition off of $11 an hour working Wendy's while also handling most of my Uber transportation costs to go to university if I had to take an in person exam.
This has costed me as now I finished junior year with no internships lined up and I am in a pretty tough spot considering how hard it is to get hired in this major. I face risk of working this same fast food job even after I graduate college which is not what I intended to happen to me.
I had an argument with my mom this morning and she was also pissed at me as to why in my transcript she saw courses like Geology and I told her that I took Geology because it was one of the requried science courses and she got mad that I didn't choose something like Biology because if shit hits the fan, and I decide to switch over to nursing, then I could at least have more transferrable credits, but now I may nearly start all over with nursing, costing more money and more time, but I didn't choose Biology because I didn't want to take a hard external degree alongside with my other challenging computer science courses.
She then began to use my Wendy's job against me, asking what was so "intriguing" about that job and I am so "obsessed" (framing it as if I enjoy working there) with it because I work ~40 hours per week during the summers in that job and that I should've landed something by now, which in essense she is right, but considering she doesen't know my situation, it really hurt me deep in my soul because I already know how shameful it is to be working the same job since junior year of high school and mind you, this job really helped me to get through three years of college (yes my mom helped significantly) but it was because of this job why I was able to pay majority of my tuition this junior year. It got kind of emotional and I mentioned the bags I bought for her during holidays like Mothers day was partly done because of all those hours this job gave me (I probably shouldn't have mentioned that because the bags were a gift), so then she mentioned all those rides she's been giving me and how I should've been paying her gas money and the whole situation was just emotional and hard.
The current job (Wendy's) I work is very convenient in the sense that I don't have a car, and 1.7 miles is a walkable distance and the manager gives me a lot of hours, but if I dont work all those hours, my mom would struggle to pay my tuition ALONGSIDE with my brothers because he is also in college and has never worked before, so my mom is paying for his tuition in full.
The fact that you can even get an internship and stay unemployed for months and in some cases i've heard years truly scares me. If you manage to get an interview, and get hired, you then may deal with layoffs so now i'm being advised to look for multiple jobs at a time to avoid financial instability (assuming I even get hired). I have one more year in college to go and i'm still working the same amount of hours so I can help pay for majority of this years tuition, but knowing im doing all that with the possibility I could very well be unemployed working the same shitty fast food job pains me to my core. I don't even bother finding a higher paying job like Costco or Walmart, etc because I don't know how flexible those jobs will be with my college schedule and they may not even give me much hours not to mention the distance and depending on my parents for transportation exhausts them, and I don't like being a bother to others.
Right now i'm studying for my security+ certification to hopefully pass the automated filters, I did get a few contacts my Uber gave me one time with people who are already in the field and one of them said I should get my cert first and he'll hook me up with SOC analyst requirements in his organization. I study for it when I get back from work for about 2 hours or more per day, but I then have to deal with my body dozing off and trying to fall asleep. If I manage to get this cert, I hope to at least find a help desk job or something entry level.
I don't mean to be a doomer on reddit, and if you enjoy the field, i'd say go for it, however i'd say to truly understand your motive and prepare to put in alot of hours and deal with heavy uncertainty compared to if you have gone into nursing or some medical field. I feel I didn't put enough effort into finding a tech job or internship earlier in the field and now i'll pay dearly for it. My situation is honestly my fault from the moment I chose CS over nursing to focusing on my classes a bit too much.
When people used to tell me what my major was in, I would proudly say "Computer Science" but I always had this back door guilt feeling I kept ignoring, and now i'm realizing what it meant. At first I thought maybe the feeling was that I wouldn't be able to pass my classes, but the feeling really that i'll be unemployed.