u/Any_Reputation_8210

So the more scripture I read, the more I feel as though my prayers have meant nothing over the last 5 years.

I'm currently struggling to become passionate for God. Truth be told, I have no passion for God. I really don't, and I never thought that I wouldn't. I use to pray frequently the Rosary, the Angelus, and other stuff when I was working. I haven't worked since I got diagnosed with cancer last August, which has given me the opportunity to go to daily mass much more, as well as confession (sometimes everyday), and adoration. The thing is, I've squandered it. All this alone time I've had has been wasted by me. I know it, I hate it, and I want to do better but legitimately cannot force myself to do better.

I think I used to be passionate about God because I used to want to give up the screen time completely, the video games, the laziness, and for a time I did. I really did. I did it multiple times, although I never substituted with anything meaningful. I gave up video games and ultimately found myself doing more, at least more than I used to. But now that I have all the time in the world, I just don't have it in me anymore. I'm back to where I was 8 years ago and it's debilitating.

I usually get thoughts like this after seeing a specific bible verse on a youtube short. The one that I saw shortly before posting this was about lukewarmness. I don't have the fire that I used to have, and maybe that's part of God's plan for me to be patient. I guess now because I'm at rock bottom, GENUINELY rock bottom, which I thought I already hit multiple times before, I don't want to do it anymore. I've tried so many times before to do better and it all now feels like it was pointless and counted for nothing. I feel like all the adoration, the confessions, and the masses weren't actually love for God, but just a performance. I think the same thing now.

Someone, preferably a priest, please tell me I'm just driving myself insane and just being a baby about nothing. And being scrupulous. But also tell me if I really am just a coward and God wants me to jump off of the metaphorical cliff for Him.

Side note: I also know that I every other time I tried to grow, I went to the extremes right off the bat, which did more damage than anything.

For starters, no I'm not fly like a G6.

I just recently got into fly fishing, and I'm in an area where the immediate waters really only have smallies and largos.

For 1, I have trouble not getting the line stuck around the bottom of the handle, and 2, I really don't know which direction I should be casting, and 3, I don't really know *where* or *how* to find them. I know it's really all chance, but I do like fly fishing and I'd like to catch a bass that I can put on the table.

Really, just general tips would be appreciated. Tips that focus on being a good beginner fly-fisherman.