u/Apart-Air2124

I (21F) got used to my caregiving routine, bandaging, feeding, cleaning. I'm used to postponing hair washing for 3 days because I don't have the time to sit, let alone take care of myself. But the thing that's on my mind now is that I will have to learn to live in a completely new way AGAIN once my mum dies. To organise a funeral for all of the people who did not show up or even text me. To receive their hugs and condolences. And even when that is over I will have to be in my empty apartment full of my mum's shoes and clothes and her bed will be empty ans I'm afraid that it's going to break me.

I am writing this because it is a specific situation and it might make someone feel less alone. My mother found a lump in her breast at the end of 2021. Got an autopsy. Told us it was benign. Didn't think about it.

Fast forward to last summer where she sat us down and told us she actually had cancer and couldn't manage it by herself anymore. She denied chemo and lied to all of us for 4 years. She tried taking a ridiculous amount of ludicrous supplements and numerous "treatments". Some of it was religious bs, some of it was pseudoscience scams. There was a lot my of screaming, educating, trying to be compassionate, guilt tripping. fighting etc involved. I tried everything and nothing worked.

I am a STEM student, my major is in the health/biology sphere. This hurt me so much because she was so dense and stupid and not willing to listen. But it also felt like spitting in the face of all of the doctors and scientists from my field who are dedicating their lives to science and working their asses off just so uneducated folk like her would discredit everything that research and modern medicine has done for them.

Fast forward to a month ago, she ended up in the ICU. She decided she would go to the doctor then. When she got out of the hospital she got a CT done and found and she has metastasis on like 4 systems of organs (which was no surprise to me). She has an appointment tomorrow and I'm just hoping I manage to get her there (she is struggling with walking) just so she can get pain medication prescribed.

The amount of anger I've had during this time is immense. I've always had to listen to religios/spiritual/conspiracy bs in my house (mum and cousins) but I could never have imagined this scenario. The number of people I've wanted to beat the living shit out of for manipulating people with debilitating illnesses and taking their money is insane. Most of those treatments are at the very least uncomfortable but a lot of them are absolutely vile. And don't get me started on starvation "diets" that are supposed to help. I went to some of those appointments with her and filmed the whole conversation in the hopes of suing them one day but then realised that my country barely processes pseudoscientists. It's mostly just a fine or max max max a few years of prison.

I am her only caretaker now and my family is pretty much useless. To believe that someone is so selfish to do this to their own children is insane. I am having to bandage her fungating tumour which is the size of my head and making our whole appartment smell foul. I've had to wipe blood of my floors, walls and every single surface in our house. My university exams have gone to shit and I might have to freeze my year not to lose my scholarship but then I won't be able to do labs with any of my friends anymore. I am still managing to see my partner and some friends regularly but I am so scared of the phase where she isn't able to move by herself. I am too young to be taking care of somebody like this and it's all her fault.