The Bathroom Has Two Doors (reupload)
Had issues with cross posting between groups
The Bathroom Has Two Doors
I used to live in an old house with 4 other people. The bathroom on the main floor was shared between me and one roommate. It had two doors, on entrance was from the dining room the other door was directly connected to my roommate's bed room. The door leading to my roommates bedroom did not lock. I was walked in on a few times while in the middle of business. Beyond that with the house being over 100 years old, sound traveled easily through those old walls and doors. The anxiety of the scenario served as inspiration for this story.
The Bathroom Has Two Doors
On the 18^(th) year of my life, I was afflicted with a disease: Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Coupled with intolerance to lactose, I must be cognoscente of my proximity to the nearest toilet, and carry Lactaide with me at all times. However, even with medication, my deeds come with a great roar and debilitating spasm. If witnessed, these events could convince a witness the devil had leaped from Hell to posses me.
The Roar
The roar is a deafening pain my intestines exude. I feel the sound travel through the maze of my body, jumping up and over my abdomen to then fall to my rectum. During this process it sounds like a whale attempting to communicate its imprisonment within me with a solid low bellow. To end the concert of mal-phonic noise, the roar crescendos at my naval. It starts faint, low vibrations building into the sound of wet rubber sliding against itself. As the frequency and volume reach its maximum I feel . . .
The Spasm
The deed would find itself at my bowels terminus. It would not knock on that door, it would take an axe to it. My anus would involuntarily spasm causing me to clench and thrust myself in odd directions. Sometimes it would be so strong I felt like my anus was lifting me from the ground, then I would fold over clenching my my stomach in futility to try try and constipate the exit of the dead . . .
The Deed
The deed is an event; a ritual akin to a tribal boy’s rite of passage into manhood. I had to endure an exhausting and painful trial. The process took time, courage and preparation. It was only more momentous when I had to perform the ritual outside the comfort of my one house.
Respite
After the deed comes respite. After a great trial I rest and collect myself, clean my self, and be sure no residual of the deed is on me.
. . .
This weekend Bodie was hosting a party at one of his Dad’s lake houses. It’s way out in the sticks so it’s gonna be lit. Plus, Bodie’s dad knows a guy from star link so he already has a set up there, I won’t have to worry about waiting to update my Insta.
I’ve known Bodie since elementary school, no cap. Bodie is barley into adult hood and is a social media genius. Bruh had over a million subscribers before finishing high school. Every video Bodie uploads starts with, “I’m Bodie Sweets, the candy man, and you’re in for a treat”, and the new treat Bodie had for everyone was his new crypto coin he’s calling chocolate coin. This party is my chance to get on the ground floor to make some serious cash and make a good impression with Bodie. I plan on working with him one day. Right now I have about 8k followers across social media and I bet I could convince Bodie to collaborate with me. If I start working with him I would get some major clout. It’s just like Bodie teaches in his influencer courses -With enough grind, confidence, and commitment, anything is possible. I’m gonna prove to him I have what it takes.
On the night of the party me and the squad rolled up in Dan’s whip. Unlike me the rest hadn’t received invites and would have had to pay 50 bucks at the door, but I covered the cost before we arrived. I expected them to hype me up to Bodie and his crew, but they weren’t having it.
“Bruh, I can’t do this”
“Yeah I don’t want to be here”
“Ya’ll seriously gonna bail on me”
“Bodie sus as fuck bruh. That new crypto is gonna be a rug pull”
“Bet? No one said you had to buy just hype me up and lay the rizz on some thick girls”
“I don’t wanna be here fam. The vibe is off”
“no cap”
“it bouta be a rager and you chuds finna dip”
“Bruh, high key, this party isn’t gonna be good, I can feel it”
“Derek is here”
“That’s a big ick, fam”
“I drop a buck fiddy for the squad you can’t hype me up?”
“Dude I’m sorry, it’s just cringe to me”
“Getting on the ground floor of a social media empire is cringe to you?”
“Bruh, have you seen Bodie’s stuff? It’s one part cringe reaction content, boring streaming, and to top
it of he posts thirst traps”
“His X account is half poetry, half politics”
“He dead ass steals content, screams into mic for kids and posts his body for the moms”
“And he has the alpha bro chadmaxxing stuff to cuck the dads with”
“All I hear is the story of a genius millionaire, who will have the biggest YouTube channel in the next year”
“Bruh”
“Cringe”
“No cap”
“If that’ s how you all feel I’ll find another ride home”
“Please man, don’t go for the sake of your soul”
I was already walking towards the porch. I looked behind and saw Dan flip a bitch and speed off. I walked up to the door, presented my invite, and entered in.
. . .
A throng, stretch end to end of the main room. There was plenty of people I recognized from school or from in town. More importantly there was influences of all kinds around. Pranksters, reactors, streamers, OF models all about. I have finally made it, but like Bodie teaches, don’t settle. I had to keep grinding. I uploaded to Insta. Shouted out some of the creators I saw. I dropped some hashtags. Then I made my way through the crowd to find Bodie.
It wasn’t hard to find him, he was encircled by a large crowd. He sat upon a couch near the fire place. He was regaling a story about buying g his Lambo, and from time to time he would turn to his friend to talk directly at a phone, no doubt he was live streaming. I pushed through to the front of the crowd. As Bodie was panning across everyone’s faces, he landed upon me and stopped mid story to shout me out. He told everyone in the crowd and his stream that we have known each other since elementary school, just like I said. It was the best thing ever. He asked if I had posted about the party yet.
“Of course”
He asked if I was gonna buy his new crypto.
“Of course”
“Hashtag sweet deal. Streaming will continue after a break”
The crowd broke apart. Thew camera man lowered the phone, and Bodie turnmed to hios own phone to record. I attempted to approach Bodie. I wanted to keep the pace, slide into that stream and show him what I’m capable of. However, I was interrupted by the bray of the most annoying jackass alive. Derek was prancing around, clearly drunk, swinging a phone at the end of a selfie stick. His signature bray was a “yeah”, but he said it more like “yeee-aw”. Before I knew it Derek had his arm around my neck.
“Alright chat, vote ‘1’ for nacho, ‘2’ for hot wings, ‘3’ I straight up kiss him”.
The thought of pushing Derek away passed my mind, but the numbers on chat were flying in. I was even shouting along with Derek to chat. Then suddenly.
“Nacho it is, Yee-aw”
I had lost myself for a moment and that signature bray came down like a sledge. I was met face to face with a single chip dripping with greasy cheese product, red flakes, and meat. The stream was watching, people around were watching, then I noticed Bodie was watching. I was already chewing the chip and swallowing.
“Yo chat he did you see that he ate those ghost pepper flakes like it was nothing”
I was sweating, mouth agape like a gargoyle. It burned my entire esophagus. I was desperate for relief, someone handed me a glass instructing me to drink, I only realized one thing after- milk was the only drink that relives the burn. I drank a whole glass of milk.
“Yee-aw”
Derek pranced off, people gave some final cheers, but then no one was looking at me. I stood alone with a milk mustache and flushed cheeks. I didn’t have much time. I needed water and my lactaid. I reached into my pocket, nothing was there. I patted my self down desperately, I looked at the ground in clear panic. Maybe it had fallen out of my pocket into the car seat, maybe I never had it.
I heard Bodie greet his stream. I and everyone were magnetized back around him. Bodie started up about how the chocolate coin came to be. Then I heard it, the portent to a foul release. I heard The Roar. I dared not look around, in doing so I may inadvertently reveal my guilt to the noxious stimuli. My intestines moaned in agony as the defiled nacho began digestion. I tried to focus on Bodie.
“So yeah, we, like, knew the chocolate coin motif was the right way to go”
My focus could not retain on Bodie as The Roar made its finally. I prepared for The Spasm. My cheeks clenched. I feared what my spew forth into this world from my portal. With all my might I held it back with my glutes. I couldn’t miss a single opportunity with Bodie.
“Chat remember there’s a merch drop!”
I began to subtlety dance around as the foulness tried to breech the gates. I could hold back no further. Sweating, I about faced and made my way through the crowd away from Bodie. I feared a camera had taken notice of my internal struggle for no doubt I was grimacing, I’d hate to see a clip of that. I looked desperate for my relief, like I were lost at sea. I opened a door, it was a closet, then a bedroom. Then I found my sweet porcelain salvation. I rushed in, the levy was about to break, my pants were to my knees before I even closed the door. I slammed atop the seat almost breaking the plastic bolts. Then, release!
I sat clutching the bowel while staring at the floor. The devil was truly in me for a great serpent cast out of my portal with tremendous gusto, followed by a torrent of watery filth. My guts felt like an orange being squeezed for every drop. The ritual was completed by a ceremonious trumpeting as gas shot out, rumbling the bowl with a low solid trumpeting. As I caught my breath my gaze crept up and a saw a peculiar door in front of me. I realized it was one of two door.
At first I thought it was closet, the frame would suggest it opened inwards, that would be strange for a closet. Moreover it was a full sized door, more than towels could pass through. It could be a walk in closet, but it wasn’t connected the bedroom I had just passed. Frankly, I didn’t think it was a closet.
However, FOMO was setting in so I didn’t think any more of it. I cleaned I dressed I washed, all the while the serpent was sent down the drain. I dared not look like Dorian Grey dare not witness his portrait. I went to the door I entered through. Obviously, it was the door I entered through. I exited the door back to the party.
Immediately, I noticed no music was playing. The lights were dimmer maybe. Everyone was huddled together in small groups. Heads bowed to the center with strong glows emanating from phones. Conversations were hushed and all eyes where on their individual screens.
As I panned across the strange scene, an individual ran passed me, bumping my shoulder, Spinning part way So could witness them enter bathroom I had just left. Then behind me I hear that infamous, “Yee-aw”
Derek was maybe 10 feet way from me. He wasn’t streaming. None of his entourage was near him. His gaze darted from the individual running to the bathroom directly towards me. Something in my lizard brain tripped. Even though consciously I saw Derek in front of me, my subconscious was screaming at me to run. My heart quickened and my legs became light. I felt like I could sprint though the uncanny valley I found myself in.
However, the thing I saw as Derek , pumped his fists to the air and walked away. I stood frozen until that FOMO overwhelmed my instincts, I was on the search for Bodie again.
Bodie was no longer in the main room, he was not in the kitchen. Looking out a window I could barely make Bodie out in the twilight. I passed between the small crowds of others hunched over their phones, out the back door.
Outside, it was the same, save for Bodie and a crowd at the edge of the back of the property before the tree line. They stood before a fire, Bodie on the other side. As I encroached I heard Bodie speaking in a rhythmic pattern, so he must be reading some of his poetry. I pushed through the crowd, up to the fire, directly opposite of Bodie. I noticed, no cameras where around, no one was streaming, no one was recording this moment. I then heard Bodie finish his poem.
*Here you are raging, crashing out*
*here you suffer, for chasing clout.*
With that final phrase Bodie looked up directly at me. His faced shadowed by the new night sky and fire. Bodie said nothing. I looked over my shoulder at the crowd. Everyone’s face obscured by by the dark.
Suddenly another Roar broke the silence. I felt my face contort in despair. My lizard brain tripped again. I turned around, the crowd had surrounded me. I walked slowly towards them. Without ask the crowd parted, everyone’s’ gaze laser locked on me. Just as I cleared the crowd I bore witness to all the groups that were once hunched over there phones no staring at me with faces distorted by darkness. The mal-phonic orchestra of The Roar came to a swift finale, and The Spasm struck me. I folded over and quickly walked to the bathroom clenching my gut. As I entered back into the house even the people within had an unbroken gaze fixed on my exact location. Their eyes had followed me since I was outside, even through the walls. I rushed through the nonspeaking and undestracted crowd and without thinking wrenched the bathroom door handle without knocking, Thankfully it was unlocked and I entered in.
The deed that came from me was so intense I gasp for air and when the deed was finally over, and my gut relaxed, again my bowels made their final trumpeting sound, so loud this time it may have shook the floor.
As I recovered I heard a noise that shook me. I swore I hear d the click of a door shutting. I shot up to the strange door in front of me, before even cleaning myself and waist barley covered; I wrenched at the handle. The handle turned but when I applied pressure to open the door I felt the resistance of an obstacle just as it cracked ajar. An unknown force was acting opposite of me to keep the door shut. It overpowered me and the door shut with that same clicking noise. I fought against it as much as I could and as I leaned my body against the door I heard it creak, and bow as the pressure from the other side continued to keep it closed. As my ear was close I could hear the faint sound of breathing,; exhales out of sync. The scrapping of nylon and squeaking of leather or rubber was heard as the pressure became more pronounced.
I panicked. I cleaned, hoisting my pants swiftly. I turned towards the sink to wash my hands while keeping an eye on the door in the mirror. I stared at the door handle over my right shoulder in case it turned but I couldn’t find the soap. I broke my gaze for just a moment to find it but when I site snapped back over my right shoulder, the door handle was gone, It was not over my left shoulder.
It had to be a trick of the mirror. I turned to wards the door. The handle was on the right side. This made sense, obviously. I went to the door that was beside the toilet, not in front of it. Obviously this was the exit I needed, obviously.
. . .
I swung open the door ready to confront anyone about whatever prank they were playing on me. Just as I open the door, I was bumped into again as someone rushed into the bathroom. When I regained my footing, I realized no one was looking my way. Music was playing, lights bright, people where mingling, faces not obscured by shadow.
I was cautious as I made my way back into he crowd, waiting for another “got-ya”, but it never came.
With all that was occurring it didn’t even occur to me to check my phone until now. Notifications where blowing up my phone. Looking through social media the party had been trending. Derek’s stream had been clipped and it was of me eating the nacho. It had over 2,500 views. I had 150 new followers just from that. I had to capitalize on this, I posted replies to these posts and immediately saw likes. My grind set was paying off, it was finally paying off.
“Yo, chat there he his!”
I was stunned Bodie was walking directly towards me.
“Yo, chat check this out, my buddy here ate that nacho with Carolina reaper flakes like it was nothing, but you want to know what else can this guy take. Well chat I got the worlds most sour candy right here and I bet my friend can handle this no problem. As a matter of fact lets see who can keep the candy in their mouth the longest”
I couldn’t ask god for a better opportunity, Bodie was asking me to do a challenge with him.
“You up to it?”
“Of course!”
Bodie, handed me the bag of candy after he took a piece, and I set it on an end table after I took mine.
“Be sure to follow me and my buddy here for more crazy content like this. You ready man?”
“Of course!”
We both popped the candy into our mouths. Instantly, my face scrunched up. Needles stung my tongue and cheeks. The pain was so great I wanted to spit, but the camera was on me. I swallowed the candy whole to end it.
During this Bodie had already spat out his piece and was cartoonishly took his hands to rub his tongue as if it would remove the chemical burning away.
“Oh my god chat he just swallowed it whole! This guys crazy! I can’t believe it! Keeping following us for more crazy stunts like this!”
Bodie gave me a high five and walked off to his next feat. I took this next moment to take a picture with the bag of candy, I needed a pic for my Insta. Before I took the pic however, I saw something that made my heart stop. It was sugar free candy. Sugar free means sorbital. Sorbital means diarrhea. I just swallowed I big diarrhea pill.
Just as soon as I realized this, the all to familiar ritual began. I felt water rush to my gut as if the candy was a flame to be extinguished. I stood in a silent stupor as The Roar was so pronounce from the oncoming torrent of water. Without conscious effort I found my way back to the bathroom focusing only on holding the flood gates closed and making it to the toilet. Thankfully, I made it without issue and acidic water poured from me. My colon was a like a tap turned fully open. Momentarily I believed my organs would fall out of me, sloughing off and causing me to collapse inwards. The final trumpeting this time was so weak I believed myself to be totally deflated, my essence completely drained. I looked towards that accursed door again. The handle was still on the right side. This made sense because that’s how it was before. Obviously, I had used that cursed door on accident. That’s why people had acted so strange. Yet, the more I thought about it. I couldn’t remember if the sink had been to the left or the right of the toilet. Had the shower head always been facing that direction? There isn’t even a window, that can’t be right. Without warning I final clench of my organs folded me in half and a disturbing “plop” sounded as something came from me and landed into the filthy water. So disturbed by this I stood and spied into the muck. The barely digested candy floated there.
“Like a fucking abortion”
The statement slipped from me as involuntarily as one of my deeds. Suddenly there was a thump on a door. I couldn’t tell if it was the one from behind me or the one I came in from. I cleaned I washed. I left from the door I entered in from. It had to be the door I entered through.
As I was about to exit I wanted to look back and memorize the layout, to be sure I saw exactly where everything was. But just as I opened the door a crack, it was flung open and someone grabbed me and tossed me out of the way to get into the bathroom.
I stood for a moment. Everything seemed normal. I wouldn’t be pranked again, or whatever.
“it was just a prank bro”
I assured myself, and I walked back to the main room. It seemed like everyone was gathered into the main room. Everyone looking at each others phones. Frantically talking about something that must have been exciting. Maybe something to do with the coin. I walked closer to the crowd, and as I did everyone’s attention fell on me. People gawked and gasped, laughed, and jeered. Phones came up in that unmistakable, “I’m filming you” pose.
I wasn’t sure what it was about, but I stood smiling, until someone broke from the crowd scowling.
“You think your fucking funny?”
I wasn’t sure what to say, I was in total disbelief.
“You are so fucking canceled you incel creep”
Still no words came from me
“You think it’s a fucking joke?”
“of course!”
“It’s not a fucking joke you asshole, you are so fucking canceled”
The person held up their phone to me. On the screen, looping, was me bare ass looking down at the toilet saying “like a fucking abortion”
People began getting in my face.
“This shit is trending”
“it’s mooning”
“boys about to ride the sewer slide.”
I must had entered the wrong door. How is there even a wrong door, what am I even thinking. I simply ran back to the bathroom.
I could feel foot steps close behind me, but thankfully I was able to reach the bathroom and lock the door before anyone could reach me. However the mob was relentless. Pounding and yelling boomed against the door. I had entered through.
Obviously I went to through the wrong door. Obviously the other doorway the correct door. I still didn’t know where the sink was supposed to be. I didn’t care where the tub needed to be. I Just needed to get back to the party, out of bizarre-o world, back to Bodie.
I opened and left through the other door, the correct door, it had to be the correct door. No one was looking at me. Everyone was back to mingling, lights on, music playing. I felt safe. After all the distractions I felt my phone vibrate. Notifications on socials were blowing up again. People were following me and I could barely believe it. By the end of tonight I bet I could really make it, but I needed to find Bodie, I had to ride this wave until the end.
“Alright everyone gather around.”
Again we all magnetized to Bodie. He had set up a table full of door dashed hot wings. The challenge was going to be me Derek and some of the other high profile guests doings hot wings challenge. I knew I couldn’t do this, My asshole was already burning and aching from all that has occurred, but before I realized I was sitting in the chair cameras and lights on me and everyone jeering. Bodie gave his hype speech and went down the row of us.
“you ready”
“hell yeah”
“you ready
“Born ready”
“you ready”
“of course!”
The challenge started. Desperate to win I began eating the wings barley even chewing. I swallowed mouthful after mouthful of the burning food, not caring to look at my opponents to see if I was ahead or behind. Each inhale was scorching heat in my mouth and throat. The crowd and noises were so cacophonous it needed a sound warning. Individual noises or voices couldn’t be distinguished. All except for when I heard Bodie call,
“Finnish! Everybody we have a winner!”
Suddenly my arm was in the air, Bodie by my side. In such a stupor; I didn’t understand what was happening. People were jumping around screaming cheering for me. Bodie had his arm around me shaking me a bit like I had just got the knock out. I tried staying focused on the moment I wanted to say something clever, but that sound cut clear through the chaos. The low roar in my gut. I wanted to move but the cameras were on me. I was surrounded by the crowd unable to retreat. I though I had time, just enough strength to hold back the spasm, but not this time. It was like God came down and punch my innards. I folded, hands falling heavy to the folding table, shaking and bouncing everything upon it. Slowly people started to calm and stare. I gasped audibly, the pain so great I though I would explode. I fell over onto the table. Its cheap legs tipping over I came crashing down with everything. I was encircled by gawking eyes and soulless lenses, my agony now the center of attention. The circle lights beamed down around me like heaven had opened above and divine judgment now descended upon me.
I came to my knees staring up at the bright lights and eyes sounding me. I screeched in agony, thrashed around and tore at my shirt. What was happening was nothing I had experienced before, it was more than a spasm, it was like the devil wanted to claw his way out of me. My shirt was ripped enough at the abdomen to expose the most disturbing site everyone had seen in person and not from sketchy website. My guts so swollen bulged through my muscle and skin like the roots of tree breaching through the ground. It throbbed and undulated for everyone to witness I could see people pull out their phones. Those with them in hand already lounged forwards to get a close up. Just as My gasps and screams reached their peak, the deed broke free of me with such violence, I could feel my pants rip. I knew it was a deed, but it was so black and so foul it was like I was a rotting pumpkin on the inside that was now only mush. I filled the whole space created around me. I felt my skin constrict around me. I was dehydrating into a husk in front of everyone. My arms painfully contracted close to my chest. I back arched sickeningly into a close “U” shape. My legs seized in place. And my neck cracked as my chin sunk to my left pectoral and my shoulders went up and back. I was there now a statue, In my grotesque kneeling position I could see peoples phones wrestle to get the best shot of my distorted features. The chaos was still so great that no voice could be distinguished. That was until I heard Bodie say.
“Like and subscribe”