How would you want someone to apologize after a mental health-related incident?
I’m a college student, and earlier this year I was investigated by campus police for damaging school property. I never attacked or physically hurt anyone, but I know other people were still affected by what happened, and I feel terrible about that. The police ended up turning the punishment side over to my school, so I was not arrested or charged or anything. Honestly, my school has been a lot more understanding than I probably deserve, and I am really grateful for that second chance.
Right after the incident, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and it was determined that I was having a manic episode at the time everything happened. Before this, I was not in therapy and genuinely did not know I had bipolar disorder. Looking back now, there were definitely warning signs, and I know I probably should have asked for help earlier, but at the time I was honestly terrified of being labeled crazy or being sent to a mental hospital.
Since the incident, I’ve started medication and therapy, and I have been trying really hard to work on myself and process some abusive things from my past that were huge trigger for the episode.
One of the hardest parts for me is that I genuinely do not remember a lot from that time period. I know that sounds made up, but I barely remember my birthday or other major events from around that time either.
Realizing afterward that I damaged property and hurt people emotionally while not fully understanding what was happening to me has honestly been one of the scariest and most painful experiences of my life. I don’t want to sound self-centered saying that because I know other people were impacted too.
I also do not want to sound like I’m blaming everything on bipolar disorder or trying to avoid accountability. It still happened. There was still damage. There was still an impact, even if there was no intent. I fully understand that.
At the same time, I’ve spent so much time crying and blaming myself for not getting help sooner. The people handling my school discipline keep telling me not to beat myself up over it because I didn’t know I had it and didn’t choose to have bipolar disorder, but it’s honestly hard not to feel ashamed and guilty.
One of my school punishments is apologizing directly to the police officers for the time and energy they spent dealing with everything. I have the conversation with them soon over Zoom, and I am honestly really nervous. I’m a shy person, and I want to come across as genuine and respectful without sounding defensive or like I’m making excuses.
So I guess my question is: from a law enforcement perspective, what would you want to hear in an apology from someone in my situation? Are there things I should focus on or avoid saying?
Any advice would genuinely mean a lot to me. Thank you.