I'm depressed and i genuinely need some advice 🙏
I don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe I just want to get it out somewhere.
Hi 19m. Last year I gave CUET and scored enough to get ARSD B.Com prog, but I didn't take admission.
The reason was my elder brother. He graduated from Shyam Lal a couple of years ago and his college experience was really bad. According to him, college is just a waste of 3 years. He kept telling me ki "mat ja, you'll regret it. Build skills instead."
At that time I was already freelancing and earning around 5-10k/month, so I listened to him and toook a drop. I won't say I wasted a year. I worked hard, improved a lot, earned around $3000 till now, met some amazing people and genuinely became much better at what i do
But somewhere in the back of my mind, I always felt like I was missing out.
Even tho i come from struggling background, for me, life isn't just about earning. I also want to experience college, make friends, join societies, meet new people, have memories... bas normal si college life.
So I gave CUET again this year. I scored around 890 and I have decent chances at Venky B.Com Hons and colleges like KMC/Ramjas for B.Com Program.
This time I made up my mind that I want to go and I'll still continue freelancing. I know it'll be difficult, but I'll figure it out somehow.
But the problem is... my brother.
The day he got to know I filled the CSAS form, he stopped talking to me. He literally said, "Agar tune admission le liya, main tujhse baat nahi karunga." And also tera mera rishta khatam and shi
It's been a few days now. We used to go to the gym together every evening and just because of this i started going 5am morning lol. Now we don't even talk.
And the worst part is... I know he isn't saying all this because he hates me. He's saying it because he genuinely thinks he's protecting me.
But it's hurting me so much yaaaaar I can't take it anymore. I feel like no matter what I choose, I'll lose something.
I'm not asking whether I should go to college or not. I think I've already decided.
I just don't know how to deal with this feeling. The last 2-3 days have been really heavy. I can't focus properly, I feel low all the time, and honestly I feel very lost.
If anyone has ever gone through something similar, I'd really like to know how you dealt with it.
Please help a brotha out 🙏😞
Tl;dr- my brother is advicing cum blackmailing me to not go to college even tho I have chance to get a decent one, last year took a drop because of him. He had stopped talking to me and I'm genuinely lost and losing my shit
edit: i have a very good bond with my family, infact my mom and dad are strongly in favour of going to college... and lastly I have a wonderful bond with my brother, irdk what happened to him and ig that's why it's affecting me a lot