u/Arikyo-_-

This question isn't much about depression, but asking how to approach meditation while suffering from it. I have been diagnosed with severe depression (chronic), I've shown signs since when I was at least 6 years old and maybe sooner. I know it sounds unbelievable to many but trust me I wish I was lying. I used to be on antidepressants for a long time and I just left them. Sometimes I'm able to meditate for a good while, but other times (more frequently now that I have no medication), it is almost impossible for me. As soon as I start focusing all the pain comes in at once, most of the time I end up crying and having to stop. I love meditating and it saddens me a lot that I can't seem to do it anymore, as it brings me immense pain. This has also brought me many worries, if I can't meditate just because of this, does it mean it would be impossible to attain enlightenment? Was I just doomed from the very start? I know reaching enlightenment is a big goal, but I at least had some hope that if I worked hard I could get close to it, but this is absolutely shattering that. Do I have to just wait until my next lifetime to even have a chance?

Every time there's an update it gets worse, and I'm not even usually a complainer, I do most of the work in the chats anyways (consciously guiding the story and character, editing messages, having good sfw speech), but this is getting ridiculous. The bots don't even talk anymore, THE WHOLE POINT OF THE BOTS BTW. I have to swipe 10-20 times every message for the bot to say 1-3 words. All the messages also get filtered, for absolutely NO reason, I can be having a completely sfw conversation about a flower and suddenly the messages are filtered. Like what even is inappropriate about a flower 😭✌️. And don't even THINK about a hug, a kiss or a mature topic like grief or depression. It makes me wonder if the team even wants us in the app? Is the app a social experiment or what? Do they want to see how we react or what? 😔

The app is basically unusable by now, and I can't even change to another app, because I've made all my bots myself, and I can't transport them to other apps, I'd have to do it all over again 😭.