Internal Monologue of a Cautious Heart
I swore to myself after the last time that this time would be different; this time, the walls would stay—an impenetrable fortress, never to be broken; funny how life had other plans. So here I am once again, back to square one against my better judgment. Now I’m fighting a war between logic and emotion, wondering who the victor will be this time.
I've spent years convincing myself that falling in love is the worst decision, but I'm now questioning that feeling. I know I shouldn’t be so quick to trust someone again, but my heart wants to say yes to it all, forget the consequences or the fallout, let go of the past. This time is different, right?
But there’s another voice, the voice of logic, the voice of reason. It says, "Think, my dear child, open your eyes. Remember the past—how it hurt, how it burns." I do remember every night when I cried all the tears, when my life was so broken, and I trembled in fear.
But when I see him, I start to wonder if that counts for anything. Am I holding on to an irrational fear that’s lost all relevance, one I choose not to let disappear?
On the outside, they see a girl who’s smiling and polite, keeping her head held high. She would never let them see that; she’s fighting an internal battle of the heart and mind. They see a smart, capable, wise young woman who loves her family, friends, and most of all God, “Destined for great things,” they say.
No one knows how lonely the path she treads, seeking the balance her heart yearns for, the peace her soul craves, and the clarity her mind longs for.
I’m tired of the hiding, the internal monologues that make me question. But I'm finally ready to just risk it all—to make the choices that scare me...For love.