Guess I’m not as resilient as I thought?
I finished IM residency a couple months ago and started my position as 4th year immediately after graduation.
I was excited about the role and opportunities my program gives me for growth in academic medicine (they paid for a course at a local med school, among other things) and was revving up to apply PCCM. But…around May I started having anxiety symptoms out of the blue with literally no history of mental health issues.
These symptoms got worse and worse and now I’m not even sleeping. Like im talking getting maybe an hour of sleep MULTIPLE nights a week. How tf am I sleeping SO BAD and I’m NOT A RESIDENT ANYMORE?
Things should be looking up for me. Done with the grueling schedule, getting opportunities, nearly doubling my resident salary, and yet…here I am. Medicated and still miserable.
Idk how I’m supposed to be a fellow next year at this point and I’m thinking I should withdraw my application. Am I burnt out? Am I spread too thin? I’m not sure. I have ABIM next week and my first attending shift too, so that’s not helping with any of this stress.
Everybody here seems so happy once they’re done with residency and I was so excited to finally get here… Anybody else feel like this?