I met Vicky on Bumble. Initially we used to meet very often. When I moved to my new house in February he used to come to see me every single day. Then he joined office and his visits reduced to 2-3 times a week and now once a week mostly on weekends. We got physical not completely and slowly I started developing real feelings for him.
In the beginning I was just thinking of him as a friend so I used to tell him to get married to some other girl since he is 35. I kept suggesting he look at girls in his office. But at the same time he was staying with me till 3-4 AM, we were getting physical and I wanted to spend every possible moment with him. My words and actions were completely contradicting each other and I was confusing him without even realizing it.
Then things started getting deeper between us. He took me to movies, zoo and dessert — he does it without even asking. He stayed with me till 4 AM. He cuddled with me and called it cuddle himself. He noticed small details like my dress and that I wasn't wearing makeup and genuinely complimented me. During a walk he lifted me and asked for french kisses playfully and said he would only put me down if I gave him a kiss. He took me to temple with his roommate Gopi multiple times. He brings me fruits and snacks. He video called just to show me his food plate. Even after his most stressful and tired days at office he still comes to see me.
Recently I figured out that he has been working 15 hours a day. It's been extremely hectic for him. But despite all of that he still makes sure to come see me at least on weekends. That itself tells me that I matter to him even in his busiest times. He prioritizes me even when he has almost no time or energy left. 💛
The moments that made me realize he has deeper feelings for me are very clear when I look back at them now. He told me he never gave french kisses to anyone as many times as he gave me. That felt very personal and genuine. He asked me if my divorce was done which is not something a man asks unless he is thinking about a future. He told me he was chanting a marriage mantra given by his pandit which he shared only with me. He sent me the full definition of chivalry — a code of loyalty, protection and honor towards a woman — and I believe he was telling me that he wants to be that person for me. When I said I don't want to move to another city he gave me the deepest stare that said everything without words.
The moments where he included me in his future without directly saying it are the ones that stay with me the most. He talked about wanting to do farming in India with his wife and said "manam" meaning us — including me in that dream naturally. One night I mentioned that my husband might be scrolling reels and asked if he would sleep at 11 PM. He said "vad kuda ipudu velli padukuntadu" meaning he would also be going to sleep now and then said he is going to sleep too — placing himself in the role of my husband completely naturally without even realizing it. He said I should have healthy babies and asked about my routine and health genuinely. These are not the words of someone who sees this as purely casual.
After all of this I realized I had genuinely fallen in love with him. He became my first thought every single morning. I started waking up in the middle of the night thinking about him. I felt like I was hugging him in my sleep. I wanted him and only him.
I told him indirectly about my feelings. I told him if he comes frequently I'll trouble him and that he is my first thought after I wake up. He said if I say something there is always a reason to it. That response told me he takes my words seriously and is thinking about them deeply.
But there are negatives that I cannot ignore. He sometimes cancels plans last minute. He vanished one whole night because he had a family issue with his brother back in India and asked for my address the next morning meaning he wasn't home that night. He asks "tagginda" before deciding to come see me which shows what's on his mind sometimes about coming to me. Every single interaction between us has a physical element and I sometimes wonder if I am more than just physical comfort to him. He disappears for a day or two when things get too emotionally close and then comes back again — a push and pull pattern that leaves me confused and anxious.
The most painful moment was when I asked him to feed me, come see me multiple times and asked for a kiss on call. He said "why are you making things complicated, we were clear right?" That hit me hard because I had already fallen deeply in love with him. I said yes we are clear and I am not making it complicated. But inside it hurt deeply.
One day we went to temple and he was helping a lady with seva. I kept asking him to leave and he asked me to go ahead. I left crying and booked a cab home. He came to give me my keys and brought me snacks. I texted him don't text me don't call me bye and then called him asking why he was rude to me. He explained calmly that seva gives him mental peace and that I should also consider his perspective. He asked whose perspective has more weightage and should be considered. That conversation made me realize he is a mature and grounded person even when I am being reactive.
My concerns about him are real. I sometimes worry he is just using me physically even though he cuddles and has real deep conversations with me. The height difference bothers me since my whole family is tall and I always imagined my husband being tall. The 8 year age gap. His career not being very stable right now. His OCD. And most importantly the fact that there is still no clear label or commitment between us.
His overall ratings based on everything are emotional connection 8/10, physical attraction 10/10, caring and thoughtfulness 7/10, future thinking 8/10, consistency 5/10, commitment readiness 6/10 and overall love rating 7.5/10.
I have decided to have one honest calm conversation with him about where we stand. Because I deserve real love, consistency and peace of mind. Not confusion, cancelled plans and "we were clear right."
I am 26 almost 27. My divorce is almost finalized.