I´m writting this fanfic, and i would like some notes about it.
This is an AU i´m writting (i think this doesnt go against the rules), and im looking to have some constructive criticism. I´m currently avoiding the bigger subs just in case of spoilers (there are none here and i dont plan on watch them) This is not the full chapter, just a fragment of it.
Some context so you guys just dont go blind: When Caine is having his AM moment at the start of Ep8, he has a change of heart but instead of going back to normal his internal conflict manifest and the entire circus starts glitching. Eventually he talks with the rest of the cast and confirms their fears of ´´you are all mind copies, not acual real humans`` Jax has a breakdown right there ( in oposition to his ´´OMG, this is real`` moment) and then run. Ragatha is the one to go after him.
This is not full-on Bunnydoll but i feel like thats the most acurate tag. Also English is NOT my mother languaje, so even though i was very careful, you might still find some weird stuff.
Anyway:
Jax kept running until he reach the end of the hallway. His minds drifting wildly between thought of his life in and outside the circus. His chest felt like it was gonna explode and everything was whirling around.
He leaned against the wall, incapable of catching his breath as the lights keep turning on and off. He lost his balance and fell to the ground and when trying to get up he saw the face of his friend.
Ribbit, her face crossed on the door, looking at him in that frozen smirk that keep mocking him somehow. The lights blinked even more violently as he tried to recover but to no avail as his own strengths abandoned him.
- ha, ha, ha… - he laugh in a soft voice – its finally happening, isn´t it? There is no escape this time….
He looked up and saw Ribbit in front of him, her upper body completely darkened offering him a welcoming hand. He helplessly raise his own, ready to accept his fate. His friend disappeared as a new voice came echoing from the end of the hallway.
- JAX! – screamed Ragatha.
The flickering lights stopped as she came running for him. She crouch down right beside him.
- Jax are you ok? – said her clearly worried.
When she tried to help him raise, he jerk his arm away and got up alone.
- I´m fine, I just trip over- he said in his usual cheerful tone— I guess i´m getting a little clumsy.
- Why did you run like that?
- I was getting bored
Ragatha didn’t believe a word of what he was saying. Jax never showed his true feelings but this was strange even for him, a few seconds ago he looked like if a car has run him over and now he was smiling like nothing ever happened.
- Why are you here? – asked Jax
- I just wanted to know that you were ok. We should come back with the rest.
- Tsk… seriously, even now you still try to be the goody two shoes of the team.
- What?…
Jax got right in front of her face looking her like a demented rabbit.
- We JUST learned that we aren´t REAL and yet you still try to be the good girl. It doesn’t matter what we do, you always try to be the example, the good one, the one whose always cheerful even when everything is crumbling around her.
- I just want to…
- Why?! Just Why?! – he started screaming— Do you think you are gonna get a price?! That everything is just gonna magically fix itself! Nothing here matters!! Nothing is real!! NOT EVEN OURSELVES!!! Why do you…
Jax rambling was cut short as Ragatha slapped him in the face. He wasn’t expecting that, it took him a couple of seconds to understand what just happened. He feel conflicted, as he was finally able to show Ragatha´s true colors and yet… it just didn’t feel right. He looked at her and she saw her face, not angry nor regretful but sobbing
- Why do you need to make things so… difficult – she said trying to regain composure – Do you want to know what I really think of you?… You are an absolute [#@$]-hole, you make our life´s so unnecessarily complicate and violent and-and absurd…
She took a moment to breathe as she hold the hand which whom she slap him.
- But even then I don’t want you to suffer. I don’t want to hate you, nor I want to lost you. We are all here, together, do we like it or not. – she make a pause and tried to clean her own tears – If you were to abstract one day...,Everyone, even me, would feel awful. You saw it before, even Zooble cares about you. So please… just come back.
Jax looked at his hand, confused. He looked one more time at Ribbit´s room, remembering something she once told him.
- Yes… lets...go back – responded him in a soft tone.
Ragatha took his hand, she said something but he wasn’t really listening at that point. He looked one more time at his friend´s room, wondering if the ghost he saw was the real Ribbit.