22m in dire need of relationships advice
Hey, I’m 22 and have not been in a relationship as an adult. I’ve finished high school 3 years ago, I had a pretty dark period after that, I isolated myself and only played video games and never left the house. Now I’m finishing my first year of uni, I have moved alone to another city, stopped playing games all together but now I feel so incredibly overwhelmed by all the needs and desires and emotions that I’ve suppressed for so long. All I want is a relationship, I wanna feel loved, heard and accepted and I want to offer all those things back but I feel like I want those things so bad that every time I find someone I’m interested in and maybe they are also interested in me, I try to force things and ruin everything. And honestly it’s probably better that I haven’t found anyone, it would be so selfish to put my happiness and wellbeing on somebody else but I just can’t stop feeling lonely and unloved.
I do try constantly to make new friends, challenge myself to be more social and interact with as many people as possible, try to go over my fear of being rejected by society and really try my best to be myself around other people but to no avail. At the end of the day I still think that my life has no purpose, I’m putting myself through all these challenges but I still have nothing that brings me joy and happiness, nothing to look forward to. I do have few friends and I’m growing other new friendships but I just feel so exhausted to keep pushing forward.
Now my question is, how can I stop thinking about this, how can I stop wanting a relationship?