I Could Hear Something Pulsing Beneath the Mattress
I always appreciate the rain and the way it pitter patters on the roof of my car. The radio is broken in this old piece of shit and endless miles of winding road, rain, and trees leave me too much time with my thoughts. The hum of the engine is the only thing keeping my sanity chained to this world.
I’m a coward. Leaving a mother and a child, my child, to fend for themselves in an unforgiving and bleak city. I know I shouldn’t run. I should be the man my dad never was. Stay and raise a family. Maybe join a church. Put my son in pee wee baseball. But I’m a coward. Just like my old man and probably his old man before him.
I’ve lived in Tacoma all my life and now I’m running south toward the Mexican coast to start again. Maybe get a job as a fisherman or just go work in a resort. It doesn’t matter. Somewhere they don’t know me.
The trees feel like they’re leaning in. Watching me. Judging me. Their unrelenting gaze is broken by a neon sign. Cascadia Motel.
I pull into the parking lot and sit for a moment. Letting the tiny drumming of the rain soothe my thoughts for a moment.
I resolve to get out and get a room for the night. The room costs half the cash I have, and I still have a thousand miles to go. As I walk to the room, I hear every little thing happening behind the thin walls. Domestic violence. Sex. Glass smashing.
It’s a cold, damp place. Wallpaper peeling and an old tube tv set. The bed was the only thing I needed though. Not even removing my shoes, I flopped onto the mattress and lay with my face smothered. I lay motionless, letting the bed swallow me.
Thm............thm............thm
I jolt up and stare intently at the mattress. Standing like a statue, just observing the ruffled plain white sheets for movement.
I take a cautious step without blinking. Slowly making my way back to the innocuous looking bed. Lowering myself back into the warm embrace of the mattress. My ear pressed against it.
Thm............thm............thm
The low drumming fills my ear and keeps me there listening for what felt like hours.
I calmly lift myself off the bed. It must be some pipes or something in the floor, I thought to myself. I quickly peek under the mattress to make sure there couldn’t be another source. Nothing but the putrid carpet stained dark brown.
It must be from another room. I tell myself as I search the small room anyway.
Nothing to be found that couldn’t be seen by a quick head turn. I sit in the only chair in the room. Focused on the bed. Waiting.
My exhaustion is getting heavy. My torturer began to look like an old friend. I relent and lay on the mattress once more. It was faint. But I could hear the slow beat as it carried me away to a place between sleep and being awake.
Darkness surrounded me. But not tightly. Tiny flickers of light tantalized my vision. They began to grow until I could feel the gravity of some colossal unseen mass inch toward me.
The flickers became stars, and planets began to appear and drift, shifting in a new direction to the rhythm. Again, the pulsing sound filled my ears as the stars began to vanish one by one with every beat.
Thm............thm............thm
I opened my eyes. The fantastical things I had seen were replaced by the flaking popcorn ceiling of the motel.
Silence rang in my ears. Maybe I was more tired than I thought.
I rose from the bed refreshed and gathered what little belongings I had. My head swimming as I walked to the office.
I turned in my key with the office, and they said something strange to me. They claimed I had only been there for an hour. That’s impossible. I got back into my car and continued my journey. I tried to shift my thoughts to other things. I drove through a town and saw a baseball field. I imagined what it would be like to teach my son to play catch. But the memory of that motel room kept creeping its way into my thoughts.
Thm............thm............thm
I pulled over onto the side of the road. Knuckles white on the steering wheel. Sweat beading on my forehead. I closed my eyes for a moment.
Thm............thm............thm
My eyes shoot open. I look around frantically. Then I see the half drank bottle of water in my cupholder in the final moments of settling. Staring at the bottle, I hold my breath waiting for the next one.
Thm............thm............thm
It’s not just me.