Boyfriend confessed; not sure what to do
My boyfriend (of 2 months at the time) confessed during a conversation about R-rated movies and what we were/were not ok with watching. He's struggled for about 14 years (got hooked around 12 years old). Before college, his parents used content blockers on devices but he could/would work around them at least occasionally. College was not awful, but it sounds like the problem got a lot worse afterwards when he was on his own. He says that he quits every time he's in a relationship, and that he's been off of it since we started dating. If he's telling the truth, that's over a year now, which is quite impressive. I say IF simply because I know how difficult any addiction is to shake and how pervasive and easily accessible porn is. He's had a few minor slips that he's told me and my dad about, but overall says that he's not struggling right now.
He is currently seeing a counselor who specialises in sexual addiction recovery. We've been dating for over a year and are starting to talk about engagement. I've made it very clear (and he agrees) that porn use is not okay. He's been clear with me that he's not a one-off for struggling; I was already aware of that. I've seen the stats around porn use and porn use among Christians. I know that maybe 7/10 (or higher) guys struggle to some extent and that anyone else I may date would most likely have a similar issue.
In every other way, he's a wonderful, kind, caring, gentle guy.... he sits with me when I'm crying, helps me with work stuff, has taken my cats to the vet with me, and is overall a really lovely person. We have so much in common, we think similarly, believe similar things, have similar goals. We've worked through a good bit of conflict/stress in our relationship already, between learning how to talk about his porn struggles and some family stuff on my end. We work together incredibly well, which is so encouraging and exciting. I've never met someone who I felt like I could actually imagine a life with before.
But porn.
I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, to find out that he never quit, or for him to tell me he's had a major relapse. I don't want to ruin my life by marrying this guy and having to deal with lying, sneaking, dead bedroom, continued porn use. 14 years is SO LONG. So much garbage to put into your mind. A long time to construct habits and neural pathways and dopamine dependence. I want to ask, where was God in your life? (But am reminded simultaneously of my own absolute crap behavior towards some people in my life over a very LONG period of time and have no room to talk, being a very sinful person myself!) Everything I've read is directed towards wives who discover a husband's porn habit after maybe 25 years together, and who deal with betrayal trauma and all that. No one addresses the girlfriends who are trying to avoid screwing up their lives but who have no option but learn to deal in a hypersexualized, porn-saturated world. What do I do? Is there hope for us? Is it likely that he actually quit, or is he lying to me? I love him, and am simultaneously terrified of messing up my entire life by staying with him.