I have an irrational fear of lice in my hair
When I was 12 (20 now), I found out I had lice and had to cut my hair short. I don't know how it happened, but for some reason I became irrationally afraid of the idea of having lice. Even the word itself being said out loud has become a trigger for me to immediately become itchy.
The problem I'm having is that I can't shake the fact that I think I have it. My scalp is ALWAYS itchy and I constantly feel my skin moving behind my head and ears. I've gotten numerous haircuts and I've been checked over and over again. The most peaceful time of my life was around 2022 ish where I got the confidence to grow my hair out but then I saw a bug on my pillow around april of this year and I just couldn't take it and I got my hair cut short (like 12 inches of hair gone). After cutting my hair, my family and friends around me told me it was bed bugs and I got a new mattress and washed a bunched of stuff, etc.
But since that day, it's only been worse. I feel like I can't escape them. The itching sensation, the crawling sensation, the dread of looking at my pillow every morning not knowing what I'm going ot see. I just want a way to know for certain that I have them or don't have them. I can't shake the feeling that I did actually have them in april and we didn't do a good enough job getting rid of them. (I did the lice shampoo treatment just to make myself feel better about it in april.) Can someone please help me figure out how to find peace with my head.
TLDR: I have bad anxiety with the idea of lice most of my life and my scalp is super itchy and crawly feeling and it only makes it worse. How do I fix it.