u/Avnirvana

In a treatment I am writing, the opening scene is the filming of a soap opera wedding. But, some of the feedback I got back said to redo the opening scene to feel like a soap opera. Here is the scene in question:

We see a fake wedding disrupted by a man who looks like the groom. The two men start to severely bicker. Then, a distraught bride pulls a gun from her bouquet and aims it at the two men. She ominously demands an explanation. The men freezes up. Then, a soap opera announcer leads off the show. Someone yells “cut!” And, everyone relaxes.

I don't know what to add or take away from this scene to make it feel more like a soap opera. Please help.

I have two treatments for two different projects that are both over 7,000 words long and I can’t submit them to the site I usually do because it charges $3 per 100 words after 4000 words. Where would you send them to for feedback?

Genre: Dark Comedy

Logline: A Jewish teen in a heavy metal band must rescue his girlfriend and his band from the devil who wants their soul and, in order to save them, he has to compete with Satan in a bowling competition with Satan.

Do you want to see where this goes? Do you want things to get better? Do you want the girls to be rescued? Do you want Samuel to win? Do you want to see Samuel and Denise's relationship? How often did you laugh?

I am actually prouder of this one than I probably should be. I know it could be better.

Edit: Hopefully fixed the link

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1s4lZIWoUzjNITxhbe_NRiqr5hPpT12bi/view?usp=sharing