u/Babaganoosh__

"What If I Told You..."
If I told you 
the world was round,
   would you believe me? 
It would be absurd to 
   challenge such a concept 
   so obvious,
   would  it      not?

If   I   said 
that   there   were 
trillions   upon   trillions 
of stars and galaxies 
beyond   the   extent 
of what our minds can comprehend 
and that I have seen 
all of them 
in my dreams,
   Would you call me crazy?

Would you shape judgment 
   and cast it upon me?
Would the corrosive essence 
   of doubt 
   surround me now?

What if I brought you 
   next   time 
   to see them with your own eyes?
Would you believe me then?

What if I said
I had found 
the omniscient cosmic forces 
beyond what can be explained
that dictate
all that we are,
   where   only   the   tips 
   of their influence could be felt,
   where   only   the   ambiguous 
      silhouette 
      of their intrinsic nature 
      could be observed...
would I be maligned 
for sharing these things 
with you?

What if I told you 
   I   loved   you, 
that I knew 
from the first moment I saw you,
that you could melt any burden
with just your presence,
that looking into your eyes
feels like a moment 
folded into infinity,
   would you believe me 
   or would one of these 
   cosmic forces of feeling
have you believing 
in something else?

"What If I Told You..."
If I told you 
the world was round,
   would you believe me? 
It would be absurd to 
   challenge such a concept 
   so obvious,
   would  it      not?

If   I   said 
that   there   were 
trillions   upon   trillions 
of stars and galaxies 
beyond   the   extent 
of what our minds can comprehend 
and that I have seen 
all of them 
in my dreams,
   Would you call me crazy?

Would you shape judgment 
   and cast it upon me?
Would the corrosive essence 
   of doubt 
   surround me now?

What if I brought you 
   next   time 
   to see them with your own eyes?
Would you believe me then?

What if I said
I had found 
the omniscient cosmic forces 
beyond what can be explained
that dictate
all that we are,
   where   only   the   tips 
   of their influence could be felt,
   where   only   the   ambiguous 
      silhouette 
      of their intrinsic nature 
      could be observed...
would I be maligned 
for sharing these things 
with you?

What if I told you 
   I   loved   you, 
that I knew 
from the first moment I saw you,
that you could melt any burden
with just your presence,
that looking into your eyes
feels like a moment 
folded into infinity,
   would you believe me 
   or would one of these 
   cosmic forces of feeling
have you believing 
in something else?

"i need it"
I grit my teeth 
and push back tears 
and swallow 
the scraping lumps in my throat, 
I need it,
I need all of it, 
   I want the stabbing pain 
   upon my heart, 
to feel the existential flesh 
rip open and tear apart 
like a slicing hot knife 
to butter
tearing through 
the folly of my mind, 

I want to become something 
other than this, 
I don't want to find satisfaction 
in happiness, 
would rather fine tune 
to the misery 
and relish in its aftermath;
becoming something 
that looks at memories 
for the pain they contain 
and drinks it in 
as a more suiting consolation
than the meager nostalgia
it brings,

I want enough of it 
so that I can justify everything 
that I have done 
and give purpose for everything 
that is to come.

"i need it"
I grit my teeth 
and push back tears 
and swallow 
the scraping lumps in my throat, 
I need it,
I need all of it, 
   I want the stabbing pain 
   upon my heart, 
to feel the existential flesh 
rip open and tear apart 
like a slicing hot knife 
to butter
tearing through 
the folly of my mind, 

I want to become something 
other than this, 
I don't want to find satisfaction 
in happiness, 
would rather fine tune 
to the misery 
and relish in its aftermath;
becoming something 
that looks at memories 
for the pain they contain 
and drinks it in 
as a more suiting consolation
than the meager nostalgia
it brings,

I want enough of it 
so that I can justify everything 
that I have done 
and give purpose for everything 
that is to come.

"you:"
it slowly crept in 
from the edges
so subtly 
that at first 
I didn't even notice it,
then the days went by 
and more of it 
became apparent 
that I could no longer 
ignore it,

it is not like a choice 
but more a willingness 
to accept what life is 
presenting,
to recognize the value 
and decide unknowingly 
that you are open to this,

as we spend more and more time 
together 
I recognize 
how special you are to me,
I found myself at the start 
thinking about you 
when you weren't around 
and I find myself now 
thinking about you 
all the time 
and how I can try 
to make your life better
than it was before,

everything feels so easy 
when you're around 
that you have inspired me 
to pick up all my old hobbies 
again,
to end 
the stresses I have kept
within,
to breath in the day 
and be thankful for it 
because it's another opportunity 
to spend more time 
with you in it,
I just hope 
I can make you 
feel 
the same way.

"you:"
it slowly crept in 
from the edges
so subtly 
that at first 
I didn't even notice it,
then the days went by 
and more of it 
became apparent 
that I could no longer 
ignore it,

it is not like a choice 
but more a willingness 
to accept what life is 
presenting,
to recognize the value 
and decide unknowingly 
that you are open to this,

as we spend more and more time 
together 
I recognize 
how special you are to me,
I found myself at the start 
thinking about you 
when you weren't around 
and I find myself now 
thinking about you 
all the time 
and how I can try 
to make your life better
than it was before,

everything feels so easy 
when you're around 
that you have inspired me 
to pick up all my old hobbies 
again,
to end 
the stresses I have kept
within,
to breath in the day 
and be thankful for it 
because it's another opportunity 
to spend more time 
with you in it,
I just hope 
I can make you 
feel 
the same way.

"always there"
I can feel it there 
when I hear a piano playing 
or when I hear 
the sadness in someone's singing, 

I can feel the delicate pressure 
behind my eyes 
when I listen 
to the elegant plucking 
of certain guitar strings, 

It's there when there's silence 
and it's just me 
and the sunset 
alone together
for a few moments 
before the blues of night 
spread across the sky
and everything in me changes 
from a barely held together 
type of strength 
to a fraying of all my emotions,

It releases through my skin 
and in my tears 
and the pressure that was there 
pushing against me 
that I was holding back 
goes away,

Like holding my breath 
for a long moment
and longer still
and
holding
even     
longer,
and when 
the pressure finally builds
holding it still 
and finally letting it out 
the air 
in my lungs 
through my mouth
and feeling the moment again,

The relief 
cascades up my spine 
as I listen 
to the quiet swaying 
of the water 
against the shore,
the muted sounds of everything 
hanging in the air 
as the world becomes quiet 
and I can feel it there 
amongst the silence,

It's always waiting 
just beyond
the seconds of any given moment, 
ready 
to be pulled 
into existence 
once again
every time 
I breath in.

"Ouroboros"
A beam of light 
flying across the cosmos 
carrying its whole history 
at the very percipice of its radiance
from some place
so irrationally far away;

A history already 
   written;
   unchanging;
flying toward the iris 
of this world;
although, 
no longer holding 
any of the first details 
it began its journey with 
   other than 
   its flickering glimmer 
just so that 
we may look up at it 
in the night sky 
and witness its whole history 
as a mere pale point of 
pure light, 

Dimming a little bit more
over the course of time,
journeying through epochs and eras 
as it finally touches 
upon our eyes 
and reflects back 
spreading out from us 
as it tries to reach 
another point in time 
to reflect back;

Holding what's left 
of its history, 
   losing a little 
   with every touch and reflection
the details it once held 
   so vividly 
where it will eventually
blink out of existence, 

I too, will also 
gasp my last breath 
as life will leave my eyes 
and my perception will fade,
all for it to reflect back 
toward its point of origin 
though, 
without all the memory or hindsight
of this life of mine, 
without all the experience 
or details I once had, 
without all the pain and joys 
that made me who I am;

A cyclical journey finding its point 
of origin
once more
on the circular disc 
of time  
as all that was gained hazes out
amongst the foggy veil of existence;

An infinite loop 
on the same stretch
though 
this time 
   with different choices; 
   a different life; 
   a different everything; 
infallable, perfect, 
an elegant system 
created by the universe 
to perpetuate reality 
along all its infinite avenues. 

"always there"
I can feel it there 
when I hear a piano playing 
or when I hear 
the sadness in someone's singing, 

I can feel the delicate pressure 
behind my eyes 
as I listen 
to the elegant plucking 
of certain guitar strings, 

It's there when there's silence 
and it's just me 
and the sunset 
alone together
for a few moments 
before the blues of night 
spread across the sky
and everything in me changes 
from a barely held together 
type of strength 
to a fraying of emotion,

It releases through my skin 
and in my tears 
and the pressure that was there 
pushing against me 
that I was holding back 
goes away,

Like holding my breath 
for a long moment
and longer still
and longer
and still
even     longer
to finally 
letting it out 
the air 
in my lungs 
through my mouth
and feeling the moment again,

The relief 
cascades up my spine 
as I listen 
to the quiet swaying 
of the water 
against the shore,
the muted sounds of everything 
hanging in the air 
and the world becomes quiet 
and I can feel it there 
amongst the silence,

It's always waiting 
just beyond
the seconds of any given moment, 
ready 
to be pulled 
into existence 
once again
every time 
I breath in.

"Feed on Me"
I care for you
too much
that
I wouldn't want you
to ruin your life
for me.

I'm not what you think.
I'm broken.
I've done things to be ashamed of,
     things to never be spoken of.
I've lied
and I've hurt people that I love.
You need to go,
I'm serious.
I'm not worth it.
You don't.  
    Need me.

Go live your life without me.
You'll see 
   it was the right decision.

Of course,
every inch of my being
is screaming
"Don't Leave. Please."
   but I would never 
   let you know that.
Those are just my demons trying to feed,
   so instead
I'm going to open
   another bottle of Jack
and let them 
just feed on me.

"nascence"
She found herself wandering 
under a dark and starry night 
with fresh air and a sense of wonder 
in her lungs,
she did not know how she came to be here
but the sense of calm was all 
that she needed; 

Looking up 
she could see the primordial pillars 
of imagination towering 
in the distant sky 
against infinite glimmering points 
of pale 
starlight, 
watching the glorious clouds of creation 
hanging above 
swirling and flowing 
as spectacular streams of light 
moved like rivers over the edge of infinity, 
cascading every color of existence 
like ancient waterfalls,

Roaming through gentle grass 
and underneath the starways of the cosmos 
she found her way 
to the Woodlock Grove, 
a revered and ancient site 
where all fate 
seemed to converge 
for only those not looking, 

She could smell the antiquity in the air 
of earth and trees, 
the moss and browning leaves, 
a serene sense of peace 
overlaid upon her essense 
and she became one 
with the wild and untamed, 
one with the supernatural forces 
of the strange,

She began to see the history 
of this grove 
and its purpose, 
her eyes rolled back to white 
as she began to hear the words 
of the mighty white pines;
living their centuries of existence 
in mere moments, 
seeing their sacred seeds falling 
upon the forest floor 
and growing into many tall trees,

Watching natural life 
bounding and moving 
through the thicket 
as their bodies stretched up 
toward the sky, 
their arms reaching out 
into the open air 
as small animals climbed through 
their branches 
and birds lingered above 
on the tips of their crowns 
singing their beautiful songs;

   and after every few blood moons 
   there would occur a strange phenomenon,
 
Strange beings 
moving silently 
through the moonlit darkness 
shrouded in a vaporous haze, 
some kind of beings
that were evolved 
from some natural necessity, 
passing judgment upon 
the natural world, 
allowing life to thrive 
in one space of the forest 
while leaving death 
and sacrifice 
happen in another, 
casting a balance 
she could never fully understand before,
but now 
somehow seems familiar;

These beings 
with glittering galaxies 
where their faces should be
leave behind only a thin blanket 
of misty haze 
over the ground 
to prove that they were ever even there 
in the first place,

She now finds herself
standing witness 
with the white pines 
of this grove, 
to all the harmonious stability 
of its balance, 
knowing now she has lost her corporeal form 
and has become 
an ethereal entity, 

Her essence 
begins to stretch through the woodlands 
and into the beyond, 
traveling 
through existence as a formless shape,
seeing 
many more things beyond 
her previous comprehension, 
she feels time 
through epochs and eras, 
breathes in starlight 
into her soul and allows 
millions upon millions of years 
to pass before ever 
thinking of returning,

She travels through the starways 
witnessing 
a grander scale of the natural order of things 
so far beyond anything 
that came before, 
her being stretching out 
into the cosmos, 
dissipating into almost nothing 
as her soul finally returns 
and her eyes roll forward from white 
realizing now in a tranquil moment 
that she has died 
and she can share nothing of what 
she has learned 
with her previous life.

She finally resigns all her memories
from back before all this
and says goodbye.

"nascence"
She found herself wandering 
under a dark and starry night 
with fresh air and a sense of wonder 
in her lungs,
she did not know how she came to be here
but the sense of calm was all that she needed; 

Looking up 
she could see the primordial pillars of imagination towering 
in the distant sky 
against infinite glimmering points of pale starlight, 
watching glorious clouds of creation hanging above 
swirling and flowing as spectacular streams of light 
moved like rivers over the edge of infinity, 
cascading every color of existence 
like ancient waterfalls,

Roaming through gentle grass 
and underneath the starways of the cosmos 
she found her way to the Woodlock Grove, 
a revered and ancient site where all fate 
seemed to converge for those not looking, 

She could smell the antiquity in the air 
of earth and trees, 
the moss and browning leaves, 
a serene sense of peace 
overlaid upon her essense and she became one 
with the wild and untamed, 
one with the supernatural forces of the strange,

She began to see the history of this grove 
and its purpose, 
her eyes rolled back to white 
as she began to hear the words of the mighty white pines;
living their centuries of existence 
in mere moments, 
seeing their sacred seeds falling 
upon the forest floor 
and growing into many tall trees,

Watching natural life bounding and moving 
through the thicket 
as their bodies stretched up toward the sky, 
their arms reaching out into the open air 
as small animals climbed through their branches 
and birds lingered above 
on the tips of their crowns 
singing their beautiful songs;
   and after every few blood moons 
   would occur a strange phenomenon,
 
Strange beings moving silently through the moonlit darkness 
shrouded in a vaporous haze, 
some kind of being
that were evolved from some natural necessity, 
passing judgment upon the natural world, 
allowing life to thrive in one space of the forest 
while leaving death and sacrifice happen in another, 
casting a balance she could never fully understand before,
but now 
somehow seems familiar;

These beings with glittering galaxies where their faces should be
leave behind only a thin blanket of misty haze 
over the ground 
to prove that they were ever even there 
in the first place,

She now finds herself
standing witness 
with the white pines of this grove, 
to all the harmonious stability of its balance, 
knowing now she has lost her corporeal form 
and has become an ethereal entity, 

Her essence begins to stretch through the woodlands 
and into the beyond, 
traveling through existence as a formless shape,
seeing many more things beyond 
her previous comprehension, 
she feels time through epochs and eras, 
breathes in starlight into her soul and allows 
millions upon millions of years to pass before ever 
thinking of returning,

She travels through the starways 
witnessing a grander scale of the natural order of things 
so far beyond anything before, 
her being stretching out into the cosmos, 
dissipating into almost nothing 
as her soul finally returns 
and her eyes roll forward from white 
realizing now in a tranquil moment 
that she has died 
and she can share nothing of what 
she has learned 
with her previous life.
She finally resigns all her memories
from back before all this
and says goodbye.

"entangled"
I got myself into a situation, 
I kissed you 
when I shouldn't have, 
I touched your face 
and said you were beautiful 
and even though it is true 
I should have kept those things internal, 
I shared an intimate moment with you 
when I should have kept it platonic, 
my heart isn't really where you 
think it is, 
I think it was our loneliness 
that had us kissing, 
I accidentally on purpose 
captured your heart 
and I don't want to hurt it.

"For Fear"
I don't look 
at anyone 
in their eyes 
for fear they may 
   discover 
the sadness 
   I'm hiding 
   just behind 
the glossed sheen 
of my own.

Afraid they may see 
the weight of the
slow, solemn ache 
hidden inside my bones 
just beneath my thin 
delicate skin 
as it eats away at my weak face
and fake grin,
hoping 
the shamefull sadness 
I hide
does not find a path 
up and out
through my eyes 
and release itself 
from within me 
in perfect 
crystal shape 
salt drips 
for all the world 
to witness.

I don't look at anyone 
anymore, 
   let alone 
into their sharp keen eyes. 

I'm too scared 
to even look 
into my own 
in the mirror
for fear 
I may see something 
I have tried to ignore
or perhaps something
I never knew was growing.

I have chosen to not see 
and instead have watched 
as I let my thoughts 
form what I perceive 
what the world would be,
and I stay back behind
a carefully crafted
perception
where 
if I stay just still enough,
the world will 
just forget about me.

And I can finally never worry
about all those eyes
looking
and I can restfully
close my own
never having to look
into any of them again.

"secretion"
have you ever seen vaginal secretions 
under a microscope,
it's beautiful,
it looks like 
early morning frost forming 
on a clear glass window
amidst a winter's dying day
just as dusk begins to fall 
and the warm orange glow 
of a fire 
dances on the walls,
like geometric art 
stretching out
into a type of 
natural symmetry 
beyond our simple comprehension,
like flowers growing toward the heavens
leaning into the sunlight,
   arranging its petals 
   to the golden ratio,
or like grecian architecture,
with columns and walls
adorned with extravagant designs
and breathtaking textures,
it's like a godsend,
a secret message 
in another language 
that only needs to be learned,
an alluring secret
that hides behind 
shapes 
that are so exquisite,
it's beautiful 
and I recommend 
you see it.

"secretion"
have you ever seen vaginal secretions 
under a microscope,
it's beautiful,
it looks like 
early morning frost forming 
on a clear glass window
amidst a winter's dying day
just as dusk begins to fall 
and the warm orange glow 
of a fire 
dances on the walls,
like geometric art 
stretching out
into a type of 
natural symmetry 
beyond our simple comprehension,
like flowers growing toward the heavens
leaning into the sunlight,
   arranging its petals 
   to the golden ratio,
or like grecian architecture,
with columns and walls
adorned with extravagant designs
and breathtaking textures,
it's like a godsend,
a secret message 
in another language 
that only needs to be learned,
an alluring secret
that hides behind 
shapes 
that are so exquisite,
it's beautiful 
and I recommend 
you see it.

"secretion"
have you ever seen vaginal secretions 
under a microscope,
it's beautiful,
it looks like 
early morning frost forming 
on a clear glass window
amidst a winter's dying day
just as dusk begins to fall 
and the warm orange glow 
of a fire 
dances on the walls,
like geometric art 
stretching out
into a type of 
natural symmetry 
beyond our simple comprehension,
like flowers growing toward the heavens
leaning into the sunlight,
   arranging its petals 
   to the golden ratio,
or like grecian architecture,
with columns and walls
adorned with extravagant designs
and breathtaking textures,
it's like a godsend,
a secret message 
in another language 
that only needs to be learned,
an alluring secret
that hides behind 
shapes 
that are so exquisite,
it's beautiful 
and I recommend 
you see it.

"Whatever You Are..."
I'm scared 
you're watching me now
...from right there,
from the corner
    with some kind of dead 
and unmoving eyes,

Just existing 
but not thinking,
Looking but not quite waiting,
Just standing there
   in the corner
...Watching.

Witnessing 
my every moment,
Observing 
my every movement,

It is perhaps
this dark and dreary night
that this creeping fear exists;
   that this thing 
   perhaps, 
   is there,
just sentient enough 
to watch as it waits.

It spoke to me once,
I remember it quite well,
it said to me one word,
--Hell.

I never saw what you were,
I just know
you were there
   and I'm scared
that you still are.
Still watching...
...Whatever you are.