Psychosis Recovery
Hi everyone,
I experienced psychosis for the second time about 18 months ago. Hospitalised for 6 weeks and in hindsight, was probably manic for about 6 months prior to psychosis. I was 33 at the time.
As horrendous as that period was I actually found the post psychosis crash/recovery period to be the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through and I still struggle to find the words to accurately describe how awful that time was.
Zero pleasure, a lack of motivation that bewildered me, feeling like a ‘zombie’ or ‘out of it’ - I still can’t find the words to describe that sensation. I struggled to shower, brush my teeth, eat or do anything at all. I found basic chores such as cleaning almost impossible. I kept as social as possible but couldn’t hold a conversation or even think of anything to say. I was a complete shell of the person I had been. I was very lucky to have a great support network around me and was looked after very well, something I don’t take for granted.
I tried 13 different meds and went through the turmoil of being thrilled to rid myself of side effects, withdraw from one, wait for the next one to kick in only to have new or the same side effects and have no relief. With my psychiatrists guidance I managed to come off med after a year and still found no relief, went back on, and still tried multiple afterwards.
After persisting and somehow wading through the utter hopelessness and terror that is psychosis recovery, 14 months after hospital I got on a med that took the edge off enough so that I could start doing more. All the ‘healthy habits’ we’re told to engage with actually started helping. I felt good after exercise which was not the case before. I was motivated to eat better which wasn’t helping before. I could keep up with conversations with family and friends and little by little I started to actually ‘recover’ myself.
My point is, I went through a large chunk of time where I believed things were not going to get better and that my life was totally ruined and there was nothing I could do about it but I’m getting there, so as hopeless as it may feel, I believe there is still hope. Keep painfully waiting for those doctor appointments, be kind and patient with yourself (I’m still working on that)
Happy to answer any questions