u/Beneficial-Risk-6378

Hey, I'm 34 and from the great continent of North America. All hail the eternal winter, depending on where you live.

I love beauty wherever it exists: in old objects, buildings, and anime/video game/music/movies. Would love to trade song links, play a game together, break down what works/doesn't work about a game/movie, or banter about nothing.. and I like to talk about accountability goals. I can also go for a chat about how difficult it is to make friends as an adult, if you find yourself in the same situation.

Most of my time is spent walking in the woods. I don't like most modern games or movies (but am happy whenever I find exceptions!). And on that note, here's some examples:

• Anime: mostly psychological or more iconic series; not super into tropey anime. Perfect Blue, Haibane Renmei, Erased, Inuyasha, Rozen Maiden

• Games: mostly story driven games and rpgs. Hollow Knight, Stardew, Guild Wars 2, Skyrim, older "retro" games from ps1/ps2/gamecube. Music: mostly game OST and oldies, some mountain music (banjo, fiddle, violin), some lofi, alt-rock, and idk. The main thing I don't like are drums, super EDM electronic beats, and a ton of screaming

• Movies: mostly movies with a bit of meaning, but I can also go for feel-good films. A huge part of what I like is looking at the world as it was before 2000 (buildings, clothes, objects..)

• Other: I collect books but don't read a ton (mostly history, fantasy realism, general fiction, and classic literature). Right now I'm reading Otherland - Tad Williams

I flat out do not understand how anyone gets (and stays) married if the vast majority of men are disgusting slobs. I'm talking, dirt in the carpet and piled at the floorboards, a skin of grease covering the kitchen, dirty dishes left out for multiple days, everything dumped everywhere... not just a few beard hairs in the sink, vacuuming once a month, and waiting a day or two to fold laundry.

I'm 99% certain I just can't have a relationship then if this is the way they are. I would lose attraction, become extremely resentful, eventually hate him, and divorce. Do women with husbands like this just grit their teeth and get through each day? Or am I missing something?

ETA is anyone else experiencing that they always misrepresent (aka lie) about how bad it is? Referring to literal caked on dirt as "dust", fixating on one 'good' thing they do (ie not leaving dirty dishes around) and initially hiding their living spaces until 1-2 months in?

Like, you're perfectly fine your whole life and then you're not... no trauma, pregnancy, nothing.

Can you "catch it early" and does that have any effect on treating it/fixing it?

I'm aware that I shouldn't chase people, which means double/tripple texting. I have people who've done that to me and it only puts me off of them even more.

What i don't know how to respond to are people who text back, but you can tell they're losing interest. These are friendships that start too fast and you build emotional connections before you realize you dont have that much in common or you don't vibe like it appeared you did at the start. They're less interested in you, respond slower, respond to fewer of the things you say, etc. Especially when it happens abruptly, and they started off by telling you all these complements about who you are before they even know you.

The thing i struggle with is that i want to text back quickly and share things. I get the feeling I should mirror their behaviour, but I dont want to because until two seconds ago, they were interested. From experience, these kinds of people will start talking more if I back off. I don't want to respond to avoidance and I dont care if it's that or a real loss of interest.

Yes, the answer is get more/more compatible friends. I'm trying. I also want to preserve connections where we might connect infrequently and the relationship isn't as close as I wanted/thought it was going to be. And I'll try to be more guarded in the future and let relationships develop much more slowly and based on actual points of friendship, like common interests.

How do you deal with chronic loneliness and accept that you're just going through a very long stretch where you can't find the right people

Where I'm from, it's pretty much impossible to make friends as an adult. People stick with their childhood connections, and you can go out to hobby groups for months but still not be let into people's personal lives.

Please refrain from "this is why I don't make friends at work" advice. Not helpful right now.

I'm finding myself unable to get over the hurt and betrayal of opening up to someone who initially was VERY friendly, who then ended up mocking me (in private, to my face) and freezing me out, and now does things like speak "to" me in a group but will never make eye contact, even if i speak to her, and will make an intentionally obvious about turn if she enters a room I'm alone in.

I'm angry with myself for seeing signs that she isnt actually kind (after a certain point) but trying anyway. I wasn't experienced with this kind of thing before her and now I know to be careful.

I just cant get over how stupid I was and how angry I am at myself for getting myself into this position. I'm not able to pretend this doesn't get to me or not let it affect me; i have no idea how to do that, even though ive tried various forms of acceptance and reflecting. I hate her and myself. My life would have been so much better if I remained aloof and never said more than hello & goodbye.

ETA, what makes it difficult is that everyone else likes her and she has many friends both at work and in her personal life whereas I do not.

Shelters and breeders make it very clear that they'd prefer for you to return an animal who isn't a good fit (ex. biting, causing excessive damage) for your family rather than sell it/give it away.

But, I had an experience with returning an animal to a shelter and was told I would no longer be eligible to adopt a pet of the same species. Like, ever. I talked to a coworker of mine and she said the same thing happened to her at a pet store (even though she actually was able to adopt another animal after complaining to higher management).

The result has been that I now will never return an animal that's a poor fit, if this happens again. Shelter, breeder, doesn't matter. I've also lost all trust in organization/store staff, and don't feel inclined to be honest with them again-- it makes me want to smile and nod and fill out applications with whatever I think they're looking for rather than be honest.. and of course, just avoid them altogether and adopt privately from local ads. (I'm a little angry, if you can't tell.)

I'm really wondering if these organizations have thought this through..? It seems to me like they're incentivizing dishonesty & selling/giving away animals at best or at worst, dumping them. I would've thought that returning an animal would be the best option for everyone involved, including the animal.

Looking for an explanation/insight..?