First year doing electrical engineering.
Covid messed me up. It was the best time of my life but I didn't realise how negatively it affected me. When online lessons became in person I had to change my school and at the new school I was the most introverted person there. Didn't speak to a single person for 3 months and only made 2.5 friends in 4 years. I find that when I get past the introduction phase i can actually be more open but the problem is the initial getting to know somebody.
Anyway skipping to when uni started. I met somebody from reddit who was also on my course but because we talked online first that awkward getting to know each other phase didn't exist as much. He's basically my only friend from uni that I can talk to. After avoiding so many socials because im just awkward and i dont drink so i avoided 90% of socials which are pub crawls cause i didnt know you didnt have to drink. In the last month i finally went to 1 and coming to the end of first year I've talked to a guy 1 year above me doing the same degree. He's got everything I want to have and I thought non of it was possible cause I was studying a difficult degree. He goes to the gym, kickboxing, produces music, many socials, can communicate with anyone without it being awkward (even to me), and actually knows how to dress. Where as I just study in my room and play with my non-uni friends from my pc.
Knowing that its possible me that makes me feel like I have the lock but can't find the key yet.
The situation is so bad that I've never even had a friend girl just for good morning how was your day and thats it let alone a girlfriend.
Looking at my own situation written like this is depressing and I sound like an absolute weirdo who just needs to grow a pair and just talk to more people. I just need some more confidence in myself but I have too many insecurities which prevent it. Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh