Hi everyone, I plan on submitting an OCS Packet for after I graduate college.
I am, however, on track to attend a study abroad program in Hong Kong during my second semester of Junior year. Would this affect my chances of getting selected for OCS or receiving a security clearance?
I am 20 years old and halfway through college at a top 20 university. I am on a track to be a management consultant at a top firm (best case scenario), I technically have a good social life (many friends, in a frat, involved in various competitive clubs/leadership), great grades, a lucrative program of study, and free attendance because I am low-income/first generation student.
I have put in a reasonable amount of effort and suffering into achieving this. I used to be homeschooled (and illegally uneducated, but long story.) until I was 14 years old, socially isolating me almost completely (especially since I do not have a close relationship with my family whatsoever). This meant I had negative socials skills (and I DO mean negative), constant anxiety, no skills or knowledge of anything, and a resentment of those around me and often life itself.
Despite this, I became highly motivated. I listened to David Goggins’s audiobook 3-4 times (Yeah, I know. But he was my only role model at the time), and I did everything in my power to succeed, including moving in with my dad to attend a real public school.
Though I knew of the Navy SEALS, I had no intention of joining the military except as a last resort, and the closest I came to thinking about it was when I was 16 and got a 96 on an ASVAB test that my school had us take for some reason. Still, it always stood in the back of my mind as a possible path to brotherhood, self-acceptance, fulfillment through suffering, things I never had.
TL;DR
To spare you more blabbering, what I am trying to say is that I have put my lifeblood into making the “right” decisions to be like everyone else, knowing in the back of my mind that’s something I could never do. I don’t give a fuck about being a consultant, having more money, being adored and admired, having a comfortable life that will eventually go to shit when the world decides it so. I want to suffer so much that I find Jesus again. I want to suffer so much that I become someone unrecognizable to my past self. I cannot and will not be entirely normal, no matter how normal I have been able to seem to others. Not to say that I can not technically fit in, as I have worked to do that incredibly well, but every day I wake up with the knowledge that I am entirely unsatisfied with the trajectory my life is going and with who I have become through being more like others. If I end up as a paint chipper (which I won’t, but I guess everybody says that) so be it. I will find a way through it like I always have, and with more self-respect.
I know I sound like a retard, but all I know is that this past month thinking about being a SEAL, I have felt a vigor for life that I have not felt since I was 13, listening to that damn David Goggins audiobook.
It’s time I make a bad decision.
That is all, thank you.
EDIT: Also, I will be finishing college obviously, I’m not a complete retard