u/BetInternational5678

Today is the start of week 5 of being on Bupropion, 150mg XR. I was prescribed it for depression and ADHD. Prior to starting this, I had not been on any psychiatric meds for over a decade and a half, and I had been going through a REALLY rough period in my life for the past couple of years due to some traumatic losses in my life in 2022 and 2023. My biggest struggle by far was emotional regulation, closely followed by crippling executive dysfunction.

The first few weeks were ROUGH for me. Honestly, most of the side effects were very manageable (headaches, dry mouth, constipation) but the bodily anxiety and irritability were NOT manageable in the slightest. It was weird, because even if in my head I was feeling completely rational, sometimes my body anxiety would just take over and send me into a panic attack. I was also much more likely to cry for the first several weeks (though that was both a positive and a negative, because crying replaced the utter RAGE that I went into anytime anything was overwhelming for me). I did end up scheduling a visit with my psychiatrist and was put on Propranolol 10mg daily, which has helped tremendously.

However, I realized yesterday that for about the past week and a half, I’ve felt kind of… normal? For the first time in years. Now, I can get angry or irritated without a big explosion, without getting so overwhelmed that I spiral out of control, and without letting it have a lasting effect on my day.

But the biggest difference has been in my focus. I was explaining it to my partner yesterday, and it genuinely brought me to tears realizing how hard it has been to live inside of my head for my WHOLE life, and here I was thinking this was normal. I always thought to myself, “Why can everyone else handle this, but I can’t?” The way I described it was that it felt like for my whole life, there was this LOUD noise, like a big waterfall, going on in the background at ALL times. Anytime something unexpected happened, or my focus got “pulled” when I wasn’t expecting, it felt like all I could hear was running water. It was so overwhelming, and now I’m realizing that that’s where so much of my emotional dysregulation was coming from. When I started to cry, even my partner teared up and got up to comfort me. He said that that made so much sense, and in hindsight he could see how certain situations escalated and why.

Now, though, the waterfall is gone. Concentration and focus still take some effort. But the waterfall has turned into a sink faucet that’s running. And that, I can handle, after having everything drowned out by a waterfall for so long.

Additionally, when I get into a “negative headspace”, it’s MUCH easier for me to pull myself out of that. To stop the negative feedback loop, accept what has happened and what can’t be changed, and just to move through it. Task initiation became much easier without my realizing it.

For only being a month in, I’m pleasantly surprised with the positive impact. I hope it stays this way!

I’m pretty new to Big Brother, so I’ve only seen a handful of seasons. This year the have not room seems downright evil lmao

So it just got me thinking — which have nots have had it the absolute WORST in your opinion?