u/Better_Profession835

One of the greatest things of life is that

No one knows nothing about anything

When you think you are at you're best

Even the slightest thing can ruin everything

And put you in the same position you where times ago

Like it was nothing

But

I learned so much with you

I can only express my gratitude

You taught me how to love

How to cry

How to feel

If only I was better

Maybe you would have stayed

But like she said “there's no such thing as good endings”

And than vanished like the wind

I still hope this is just my imagination

Wish I could had a chance to met your mother

I think she would like me

You do?

Were you here when I failed?

When I ruined everything?

when I pushed everyone away?

I don't think so

“But you're so immature”

Am I?

Were you here when I was crumbling just for a little bit of attention?

When I just needed someone to talk?

You where laughing at me

Telling me all this things

Do you think that offends me?

There's nothing you can call me that I haven't already called myself in front of the mirror

So believe me

I hate me more that you could ever do

I use traumas and fears to justify my mistakes

Maybe I'm stupid

Or just childish

Maybe I'm a burden

But I'm just trying

It's my first time living

So when you think about yelling at me

Remember it's yours to

After all

I'm stupid

Yes

Because I'm trying

Like all of you

“I know you”

Said someone that I barely know

“I know you“

Said a very distant friend

For some people I'm the person who makes everyone laugh

For others I'm the one who barely speaks

But for me

I'm nothing

I catch myself looking at the mirror every night

Trying to find the pieces of someone that I should be

Trying to find an excuse for my existence

And yet I found nothing

So when you say “I know you”

Please tell me

Who I am

Maybe i’m not special,

and that’s okay.

Everyone’s doing what they are born to do,

and me?

Im here trying to not misspel a word,

trying to not burn my food,

trying to live my life with the doubt,

Am I special?

Maybe not.

and what?

Should I just cry about it?

Should I just give up everything?

Probably.

But im not doing that,

it would be easy.

Sometimes I would like to,

life is not easy,

most of the time you just want to stop,

you just want to throw everything away,

every experience,

friends,

family,

connections,

everything,

is it really worth?

The night that I died wasn’t quite what I expected.

No one was sad.

No one felt guilty.

They were just… there.

In the end I thought that I was somehow special,

that I was different from them.

I let their voices become louder than mine.

And when I least expected…

I found myself drowning not even knowing why.

I can’t tell if I lost myself at some point,

because I wasn’t really myself all this time.

If only I’d let myself stop pretending for a little while,

maybe I’d still be alive.

It felt safe for me,

pretending I’m someone that I’m not,

but it could not end right here.

And then I was…

At the end of the trail,

a trail that wasn’t even mine.

Looking at death.

That void.

That… nothing.

That was familiar to me.

I’ve seen that my entire life.

So I decided to break that chain.

But it was already late.

I think I could have done more.

Or maybe not.

So I learned…

You can’t live a life that isn’t even yours.

So that was my last night.

The night that I died.

(Can someone give me some advices? I would like to write something good. That was just something that I was feeling and wanted to write down)