Life is very unpredictable...
I don’t know why I am writing this here, maybe because I just want to be heard by people who can understand this phase of life.
I come from a financially weak family. During my B.Sc. in Chemistry, I used to study and also teach home tuitions to support my family. Despite all this, during my B.Sc. I cracked IIT JAM with AIR-118 in 2024 and also qualified TIFR G.S.2024(but not qualified in interview for int.phd). At that time, I really loved chemistry and had a craze for IIT. So fortunately I got IIT DELHI for my M.Sc but it's fees was too high for me so due to financial conditions and family responsibilities, I had to leave IIT and take admission in my state university from which I had done B.Sc.
People around me always made me feel that the IIT tag was everything. Sometimes I also questioned myself. But deep inside, I always believed that if I could crack those exams while handling so many responsibilities, then maybe capability matters more than tag.
During M.Sc., life became more complicated. My relationship also affected my decisions. My girlfriend pressured me for marriage because her family wanted to marry her off soon. I became desperate to get financially stable quickly, so instead of focusing on CSIR-NET/JRF, I shifted towards government job preparation. I thought if I got a government job quickly, everything would become stable. Becoz I love her so much and we are in relationship from B.Sc.so I did not want to lose her.
But life didn’t go as planned.
The relationship ended as my M.Sc first year ended. The same person for whom I changed my direction left me completely. That phase broke me mentally. I lost iit , I lost my love. I had suicidal thoughts too. I genuinely felt like everything was over.I lost myself completely But somehow I held myself together by thinking about my parents and my younger sister. Slowly, I came out of that phase and continued my preparation.Currently I have qualified tier-1 of DRDO and preparing for tiet-2.
So maybe my life is not ruined. Maybe I’m just in a difficult transition phase like many others with so much uncertainty...
One thing I know for sure: I genuinely love hard work. I enjoy competing with myself. Even during depression, heartbreak, pressure, and uncertainty, I somehow manage myself start preparing for government exams.Somewhere inside me there is still a strong belief that I can build a better life for myself and my family.
Right now I am trying to become emotionally stable, financially stable, and mentally stronger day by day.
I just wanted to share my story with people who may relate to this struggle.
If anyone has gone through a similar phase and came out stronger, I would genuinely like to hear your story or advice.