u/BigPipe9616

I’m putting this outs there as both an ask and a slight word vomit. My whole life I was raised with god, and as a child I LOVED him. But over the years I’ve felt as if I’m falling farther and farther from him. I’m ending my second year in college, and I feel as lost as ever. I feel as if I’m completely disconnected from him and from myself, I’ve seen myself become spiteful and cruel. I want to start over and find him and that little girl again but simply don’t know where to begin. The churches that are around my school are very political and I’m not really about that, but being on my own causes me to forget him and not keep him in my thoughts. I’m at the point of giving up on everything because I want to see where he wants me to go, but I ALs want to keep the things I love with me as well. I don’t know how to carry both. I don’t know what I’m doing and if I’m wearing this cross to gaslight myself into thinking I’m doing good when I’m not. What do I do? How do I move forward? How do I get God to start that journey with me again even when I feel like I don’t deserve it?