I need serious advice
I have always felt extremely over sexual at an early age. It maybe started at 11, I would start to explore and seek sexual experiences that I had no business even knowing about. I have always had faint memories of men in my life crossing certain boundaries but they were never clear enough for me to take them seriously let alone know who it was.I have one specific “memory” that’s followed me. All I remember is faint kisses on my neck from there I have no recollection. Leading me wonder if it’s even a memory or just something I made up or a show I had seen. Now that i’m older iv forgotten more and more, however I am starting to notice that when I am put in a sexual situation I often zone out and start to think “why isn’t this turning me on like it should?” or “why am I not enjoying this?”. Is there a chance I have represses sexual trauma and it’s still affecting me? and if so what should I do?. Even just with myself I find it uncomfortable to go further than the usual dj. I find myself tensing up and just not enjoying it. I want to explore and be in sexually healthy relationships but I feel like something’s holding me back.
For context my childhood wasn’t great I was often surrounded by men that turned out to be super creepy. With a lot of my siblings and cousins having similar experiences.
(p.s i accidentally posted this on a few places from my other account so if you see a similar post it’s still me.)