my 24f boyfriend 27m rewears underwear and socks
so we live tg and we both can be a bit lazy with laundry. in a pinch i will hand wash a couple socks or underwear until i can get to doing a full load. on the other hand, he will rewear his socks and underwear and sometimes his feet really stink up the room when he takes off his shoes because ofc they are covered in sweaty re-worn socks, like its not gross he is sweaty, he's human, but yes its gross to be lazy and have a washing machine in the basemet and instead of ding laundry just rewearing it. i even told him i will wash a couple boxers in a pinch by hand if we arent doing a load so he can wear clean underwear.
and i can be a bit 'ocd', i am not using the term lightly or as an adjective, but i have been to a therapist and discussed this. however that was more revolving around relationship ocd etc. but my mom is very 'clean' /germaphobe and ik it bothers me sometimes so i dont do what she does to him, so idk if my extent is also 'too much' and i want opinions. also i should mention a big one is contamination ocd for me, like my water bottle going to clinical w me and then touching my bed is eeeeeek( not just clinical tho, thats a given but even like if we took it out to a store). imo the extent that i am in terms of cleanliness, doesn't seem like it should effect him too much, bc the things i 'make' him do are just wipe down his phone/laptop if we have been out like to cafes, etc(public places) before putting it on our BED (not even like the second we get home, just before getting into bed w it??), and we rent an apartment and the floors have NEVER BEEN CLEANED so i tell him to wear slides when hes on the wood floors (if he plans on getting in bed after, otherwise idec!) bc otherwise the bottom of his feet will literally be black like sorry i find that gross in my bed where i sleep??? and the beds not even THAT clean like we put take out boxes on our comforter etc, bc i try not to be too 'finnicky' as he fucking describes it.
also im a 'no outside clothes on the bed' person. im trying to be transparent and think of the things that could be 'too much'. oh if he is wearing shorts outside and his legs are on the chairs etc in public, i ask him to shwoer or wipe them down before getting in bed. and i use santiizer before eating but i only want him to if we are sharing the bag or something, otherwise i tell him u don’thave to. like am i ocd for not wanting him to rewear underwear or socks... i rly dont think so but i also know people , including myself, can have narrow view of things bc it's all they've known. and then i even brought up this subreddit lol bc im like dude, girls do not fuck with that stuff, many have said how grossed out they are w their bfs even from things like peeing in the shower. and he says he doesnt care about 'commonalities', and said just like i probably want to find someone cleaner and more 'ocd-like', "maybe sometimes i want to find someone who is a little more like me" ... but i want to hear esp from people who aren't as 'clean' and their perspecrive bc maye i am being too much?? and he told me he wants me to question myself more and that i can be wrong, but this doesnt feel like a wrong or right thing like its just hygiene to me... BUT PLEASE TELL ME IF I AM IN THE WRONG!
should mention he grew up with very messy mom who def isnt the type to clean her phone at home, and like i mentionde i def did grow up w that type of mom, so that adds to it, but i don’tthink his mom is fucking rewearing her underwear(who knows tho). also he has 'complained' about not having more sex and i said it would increase the chances us having sex if you were showered more often and then he got into how he likes when i am sweaty and stinky and it turns him on and he wants to eat me out, and maybe he wants someone who also 'takes him as he is' like bro i just want you to not have a sweaty dick when i suck it, why the fuck is that me not taking him as he is??? and if im teling u thats how we would have more sex why tf wouldn't u do it?? that sounds like an excuse to not be hygienic.
please if someone has dealt w similar, give me your opinions and experience and advice im lowkey going fucking crazy bc besides saying its gross or unhygienic how the fuck do you justify not wanting someone to rewear their intimates??? and he said he wants to be able to 'be comfortable' but like idk its not making me comfy either to have to leave the room bc it stinks. pls give thoughts 💔
edit - forgot to mention he doesn't wear deoderant bc he is part asian and 'asians don’tsweat/smell' and he'd 'rather just shower'(which he also has trouble doing), he only brushes his teeth at night never morning unless he did not the night before(admittedly i sometimes don’t at night bc im lazy and fall asleep, but ideally i do it both times), he def doesnt wash his feet in the shower. there's prob more. but for the ones i just mentioned in the edit i don’teven say to change anything bc im like oh im 'ocd enough' and don’twanna be too much. and he said im not considerate in the way my ocd effects him but it feels like the things i want are partially basic hygiene not fucking ocd
edit 2 - broke into more paragraphs lol sorry for the run on paragraph