u/Blue_Dragon3

My family and I took a trip to the zoo this weekend. I was nervous. It had been the first time I was in a big space like that since coming home.

The part that I didn’t really understand was the aviary. While my family was impressed with birds and talking about how great it was, I noticed the building was quiet. I could hear the sound of the water and the wind and the birds. I got a little emotional.

It’s like all the things that happened hit me at once and I was sad and relived and happy and angry all at once. My therapist said that’s part of grieving and healing is that you have those moments.

My life is finally starting to settle down. After a very long time and a very difficult deployment, I have very ordinary things going on and…. I need that and I love that but the quiet moments do bring tears sometimes.

I appreciate the quiet moments more now. I enjoy the ordinary and mundane things around my house and around my life.

This smaller world I have going on feels like it’s something I must have needed.

Idk if this is a question or just a vent. I recently came back from deployment and have been diagnosed with severe PTSD.

Some days are good, some days are bad. It’s hard to explain to people. It was not a fun time. I don’t really sleep anymore. If I do sleep the nightmares are bad.

I get overwhelmed easily now. Little things like going out and being around people make me exhausted. I am trying so hard but some days it’s just a lot. My spouse does his best to understand and to be supportive but I can tell it’s a lot for him too.

I’m in treatment and it’s frustrating because it feels like it’s just one medical appointment after another. No one knows exactly how to handle my situation and it’s always just a concerned shrug and well let’s dig into this more before we have an answer.

You know what? I’m tired. I’m tired of the endless appointments, I’m tired of feeling like I always have to try and reword things for my spouse. I’m tired of not knowing what to say to people.

I just… idk. Yeah maybe I should just suck it up, but sometimes it’s just not that easy.