u/BlueberryRelevant726

I was at the club while traveling and another woman sexually assaulted me. Since then, I have not been able to go out in public or even talk on the phone. I get extreme panic attacks and feel the need to clean myself in the shower 24/7. Terrified. No family support (lengthy neglect history)… very scared and my psych NP prescribed me prazosin. I am reminded of my sexual assault not only recently but also the one in the psych emergency room by a male nurse when I was overdosed on gabapentin. Feels like I’m in constant hell and no safe place. Feels like hands are groping me, nonstop flashbacks, being drugged, grabbed, dying, no escape. I genuinely don’t know what to do and I am so disabled after this recent assault and lack of support that I am thinking about killing myself. I can’t take it anymore. I just want to be dead. I don’t want to live and it’s greedy of me to take up this life. I completely hate myself. I don’t want to even talk in public anymore because I feel so abused and demoralized and ashamed. Like a fucking slut and drug abuser because my doctors made me addicted to Lyrica and refuse to believe that I need help for Lyrica addiction. I might run out onto the road or something. Not ok. Terrified of ever losing my autonomy again and having a woman who assaulted another woman and hurt me violently and emotionally attacked me ruined my life. I have no where to get help. Psychiatry doesn’t help. It’s likely this prazosin will harm me immensely with side effects and I have bipolar disorder and am already depressed. Can’t fucking feel free anymore. Tied to abuse and horrified. Sorry. I don’t understand even. Just exhausted and dissociated. Shrinks don’t understand. they don’t get it and they fake feeling bad for others.

I >!would swallow a bottle of pills and drown myself or jump off a bridge or something. I have a history of overdoses but I would be sure to use lethal drugs this time… not just vodka and pills. Fucking done with my life. Exhausted. Fuck psychiatry. I can’t do it because I can’t risk being almost killed in a mental hospital ever again. Psychopathic predators and psychiatric assaulters. I am so sick of this life.!< >!Decriminalize mental health now.!< >!Abolish psychiatry. I am slowly disappearing and that’s fine. just venting on here.!<

I feel so disgusted and horrified, three years after the initial trauma. Feels dead inside and I am being forced to live. After what happened to me, I wish I had been just killed ethically. I am so so tired. I will never be okay. My misdiagnosis was intentional and the police never responded to my active fraud, harassment, and malpractice. I dream of dying and taking my life so they can do an autopsy and the horrors of my misdiagnosis would show. Just gone. 😢 so terrified and I've been off all psych drugs for three years. Terrified of all doctors.