u/Britrynnarecover

For the past 2 months and 2.5 weeks, I was in a huge calorie surplus which caused me to gain around 15 kg. Before this, I didn’t have my period for 7 months. Then over the last 5 days, my eating started changing a bit — one day I fasted because I had no appetite, the next day I ate a lot, the third day I ate around maintenance, and the fourth day I ate in a deficit… and somehow my period finally came back 😭

I’m honestly confused how it came back even with my eating being kind of irregular these past few days, but I’m really happy about it.

Now I’m planning to eat around maintenance consistently, even though my appetite is still really limited. I’ve been trying to add peanut butter to my meals for extra calories and nutrients. At breakfast, I prepared 2 toasts, a big banana, and 2 large eggs, but I already got full just from the eggs 😭 so I’m saving the banana and toast with peanut butter for lunch later.

I’ve gained around 15 kg in just two months during recovery, and I’ve been struggling emotionally with the changes in my body. I’ve also been eating around 6000 kcal per day on my own, and it has gradually become habit-driven and part of my daily routine.

During this time, I’ve been mostly sedentary, spending most of my days lying in bed and eating continuously. I’ve also been feeling very depressed, which has affected my basic self-care, and I’ve only been showering every 2–3 days.

Because of how I feel about my appearance, I’ve started avoiding mirrors and can’t really look at myself anymore. This situation has been very stressful and overwhelming, and it’s been affecting how I see myself and how I cope day to day..

I cant even look at myself anymore...