Dating a great guy, but concerned about his daily drinking
I’m looking for some outside perspective from people who have dated after divorce.
I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2.5 months and we’re exclusive. Overall, he’s a wonderful person- emotionally intelligent, kind, smart, successful in his career, a great dad, and very supportive. We’re both recently divorced and both have kids, so we’ve connected on a lot of levels.
One thing I’m struggling with is his drinking. I enjoy alcohol too, so initially I didn’t think much of it. But as I’ve gotten to know him better, I’ve realized he drinks every day and has told me he typically needs a couple glasses of wine to fall asleep. When we’re together, we’ll usually have a few drinks, and when he goes out with friends he sometimes gets pretty drunk.
To be clear, he doesn’t become angry or mean when he drinks. If anything, he becomes overly affectionate and sentimental. However, I’m generally a very health-conscious person. I work out regularly, eat well, and only drink a few times a week. Alcoholism also runs in both of our families, and my dad is an alcoholic, so I’m probably more sensitive to this than the average person.
I’ve brought up my concerns, and he says he recognizes that he’s drinking more than he should and wants to get healthier. His explanation is that this has been a particularly stressful period following his divorce.
I really like him and want to continue exploring the relationship, but I’m also trying to be realistic and not ignore something that could become a much bigger issue down the road.
For those who have been in a similar situation, would daily drinking be a dealbreaker for you? Or is this something that could reasonably improve once life settles down after a divorce?
EDIT: Thanks for all the advice and support. We had a conversation this afternoon and it pretty much came down to him saying “Yeah I agree it’s not the best- I don’t like that I cope like this. I don’t know what you want me to do/ I don’t think I can change right now.” As much as it sucks to hear this, I’m glad I brought it up now and not months down the road. I’ve already been in a marriage where I ran myself ragged trying to change someone else’s behavior. Cutting ties 💔💔💔