Lesser Guardian of the Threshold?
I've been running what I call symbolic operations all year. I have experienced some profound states.
It's basically like pathworking, but I'm not using any traditional symbolic system. I design my own symbolic structures based on particular states I want to produce and identity/behavioral goals.
I've had a lot of success too. My goal hasn't even been to produce mystical experiences.
About 26 days ago, I was running an operation based on penetrating to my center/core. I really wasn't sure what I'd find there. It was inner exploration, and I had goals of stabilizing my foundations and centering myself. I ran an 18 day operation simply penetrating to my core.
On the 10th day, pretty much right in the middle of the operation; I reached something. I was caught completely off guard with a profound experience.
I had a vision, of a ghostly figure. It was saturated with very personal meaning and trauma. It was absolutely disgusting to look at; it was very difficult to look directly at it at first.
It had shadow figures going in and out of it. It had a black cloak and hood. And it had a snake wrapped around it's left arm.
It took me a while to notice the snake. It was very hard to look at it at first, I was fearful at first; but somehow I just felt this was something I needed to face and investigate.
There was a black dome, or like an umbrella, overhead covering what would be the sky making the whole "room" or atmosphere very dark.
I spent almost an hour in this vision.
I finally faced it fully, without pulling away. I looked directly at it and started examining it. The detail and definition was sharper than anything in reality or waking life; it seemed more real than real. But it was hard to look at, just because of the overwhelming disgust it invoked in me.
I was more overwhelmed with disgust than I was with fear. Somehow, I felt it was apart of me, and I knew it wasn't some external entity; because there was very personal meaning attached to it. It was a feminine figure, but I sensed that was just it's form.
When I had finally stopped pulling away from the vision, that's when I noticed the snake wrapped around the figures left arm. I got the sense that it was in control of the figure or something.
When I locked onto the snake, the black canopy overhead shattered; and what I perceived as healing light burst forth and I was overwhelmed with joy and a sense of victory. I received the light and felt as if it saturated my being.
I wasn't sure what the experience was exactly in the moment, but it felt like a profound victory. My life has been extremely difficult for the last few years. I felt that this experience would or should finally trigger a much needed shift in my external reality; but over the following week everything seemed mostly the same.
Over the last 26 days, I've had lots of memories resurfacing, dealing with traumas of my past. I've had a lot of profound realizations; like I'm sorting through my past and reinterpreting my entire life. Seeing things much more clearly and truthfully (some truths have been painful but liberating).
I was doing lots of research after the experience to try and make sense of it and understand it, and I personally feel confident that it was the lesser guardian of the threshold based on what I've read from Steiner and some other experiences I read about.
and if this was the lesser guardian; I didn't physically cross any threshold; but the experience of the black canopy shattering and light pouring in felt like a profound threshold.
I feel like I triggered a process years ago; and I've been stuck/trapped in the worst part for years. I've been doing some serious inner work this year, and I've made tons of progress. More progress this year alone than in my entire life.
I've been learning more about kabbalah and hermeticism to try and pin point what's going on. Why my life has been completely wrecked over and over again, and why my whole life keeps resetting.
I'm really hoping someone here will have some advice or insights.
Initially, I felt that it was the lesser guardian of the threshold, but that I was supposed to "cross" a threshold or something. I had considered going back to face it again, but over the last few weeks; the memories I've had seeping up, and the clarity I've been getting; I don't think that's actually necessary. I personally feel confident about my experience and what it was; but I'd really like to hear from someone who's experienced this.