Dealing with a mooch
About four years ago I 52M invited my daughter 29F to come live with me to get her and her two special needs kids who at the time were 1 and a newborn out of an abusive relationship.
In that time, she’s avoided for household chores and played the blame game for all her problems, while she sits on her butt playing on her phone.
I had to physically take her to a lawyer, I paid for, so she could start her divorce process. I’ve paid for room and board and gave her my old car so she could take her autistic daughter to therapy.
I researched and provided her info on how to get financial help from the feds with her special needs kid and how to apply for child daycare credits. She passed all this info to her baby daddy, who filed all the paperwork and now he’s keeping all the money, $500 monthly, because she didn’t want put forth the effort. The only reason her kids were able to get into daycare was because of baby daddy.
Last year (after baby daddy finally accepted his role with split custody), in an attempt to force her hand, I threatened to kick her and my grandkids out if she didn’t get a job. She reluctantly took a job at Starbucks where she could work around the kids school/daycare schedule. She thrived here but has been passed over for promotion to management because she isn’t available all hours during the weeks she has custody. When she’s not working, she sits on her butt playing on her phone and barely takes care of her kids, or herself. When I get home from work I make sure the kids eat then take them outside to play as all they’ve done all day is sit in front of the tv and played on tablets.
When she has the kids, my girlfriend and I watch the kids on the weekend so she can work. Every other weekend, almost all day.
My daughter has only online friends and does nothing outside of the house, so she’s almost always home. With summer coming up, she’s done nothing to find daycare for her kindergartner meaning she’ll be sitting on her butt all summer.
Two years ago, I invited my girlfriend to move in, and she’s turned into our referee when my daughter and I get into arguments. My girlfriend is a neat freak and a good cook, and is being totally taken advantage of by my daughter, and my girlfriend is starting to resent this treatment.
My girlfriend and I have a healthy sex life and she’s a very willing sub, but we are almost never alone. All the things she and I would like to do are extremely curtailed! I’m over 50 and may we never have this time if my daughter and her kids are ALWAYS in my house.
She talks about plans on moving out but nothing ever happens.
I am at my wits end, and have no idea how to force my daughter’s hand to move out. She said if I do, she’d move back in with baby daddy who has a live in girlfriend.
I don’t wanna kick them out as I’d be throwing two special needs kids out too.
I know this is a difficult situation, but has anyone gone through a similar experience? How did you handle it?
tl;dr daughter is ok with letting life go by, while she sits on her butt in my house.