u/Capital-Rest-1238

Hi everyone this is my first real in depth post I guess you could say on here so I’m sorry if it’s weird. I have a urologists apt for an issue that I have to go get fixed because it’s impacting my daily life so bad but that’s not what this is about nor what I’m worried about, I am very positive that I have cancer and the fucked up thing is that I’ve known about this for so long but I was too much of a pussy to get it looked at in the early stages of it. Truthfully I’m beyond fucking terrified of getting it confirmed I’m only 19 and I feel so powerless against it. I never thought this was something i could potentially go through at such a young age,I know I have to get it looked at but I feel like because I’ve waited and waited and put it off for so long I’ve potentially like am past the point of recovery or I don’t even know, I have told not a single person about it including family or friends so if it is cancer it will blindside them all. My family has been going through things and I didnt want to put additional strain on them which probably sounds really stupid but I can’t put it off anymore and I feel so lost and defeated even though nothings been confirmed. I guess I just wanted to finally vent about it regardless of where I did it and I want to ask all the people that have gone through this/are going through it, how do you even mentally prepare for something of this magnitude? How do you get ready for something that could potentially uproot you and your families entire way of life? And if it is this, how do you find the mental strength to even keep going, how do you do anything really? What do you even do to find a semi positive outlook on all this and fight it with everything you have? I knew the day would eventually come where I have to get it looked at and I don’t even know if it is cancer but I feel so defeated already, I’m sorry if parts of this sound silly or whatever but I really don’t know what I’m gonna do if it is cancer. I’m not a mentally resilient or strong person, im going into this expecting the absolute worst and anything slightly better than that is something I’ll take. I don’t know if anyone will even read this to this point but I just wanted to finally get the shit off my chest.