The damage is done.
If have just separated from my wife of 25 years. She has multiple myeloma. A few years back, before a diagnosis, she started to loose her ability to walk un assisted. The all together. Then she lost her ability to sit up or even control her arms. Mental changes and cognitive changes abound. After months in the hospital and several different doctors and specialists, she finally had a diagnosis. The protein being produced by the cancer was blocking nerve conduction. It caused all of the issues. After 2 years on the cancer meds she was getting better. I know not many people can say that. Watching her get more and more capable was such a relief. I had been doing everything for her, while trying to take care of the house, and working a full time job that also involves travel. My daughter helped some when it was needed. Here we are years later and she has some mobility issues but can walk and is doing more and more. She never came all of the way back mentally though. She has just not been the same person. More toxic, more selfish, prone to fits of anger and sorrow. One of the bigger issues is her memory jumbles things to the point that she takes the inverse meaning of things. It has been taxing to say the least. She has fundamentally changed. I have fundamentally changed. I can't take this any longer. I asked to separate. She isn't my wife. She isn't the woman that I feel for. She is a stranger. Trying to hold all of the pieces together has made me forget myself. She wants to keep trying to work at it. It is just ground hog day all over again. We reach some agreement, things look better, I change for my part in the deal, and then she reverts. Rinse and repeat. She wants to do it again but the damage is done. Maybe is should work harder at it, but I don't have it anymore. She makes me feel bad. At all times. Either angry or crying. I don't want it to be this way. I have been feeling better about me ever since in all areas but 1, I gave up. But the damage is done.