I apologize in advance bc this is about mushrooms. And also a bit long. TL:DR psychedelics have a fountain of joy, love, and music for me in the past but my last two trips were mildly unpleasant and distracting. Not sure why.
I tripped for basically 3 days straight at a festival over the summer and it was the best time of my life. Since then, psychedelics have allowed me to tap into a fountain of joy, dance, and musical energy/appreciation. Music is infinitely better, every movement is part of a dance, everything is special and beautiful. I’ll be grinning the entire night and bursting with positive energy, unmoved in the face of bad stimuli but fueled by everything good.
Since then, I had a strong mushroom trip in nature with friends and it was magical. Months later, I took about 1.75g Golden Teachers on New Years Eve party and had a wonderful time. I took 1g either Golden Teachers or Harvest Moon at a concert (and went to a rave after) sometime in February too and had a wonderful time. Each time I’ve been swelling with joy and everything has been incredible.
But in late March, I took 1.25g Casper’s Ghost and maybe 80mg of MDMA rectally before a rave and had a terrible time. I was paranoid (even though I knew it was irrational), too amped up/rolling too hard, and just kinda confused. Nothing was exceptionally bad or traumatic about the experience but it wasn’t pleasant and I had very little awareness of where I was. I figured it was because of the Molly (which I hadn’t done before) and was disappointed I marred my night but not crushed. I had a fun day the next day and was totally fine. I was looking forward to my next trip so I could NOT combine Molly.
I tripped on .67 (lol) grams Casper’s Ghost before a rave last night and had a similar experience. I wasn’t paranoid this time, but the trip had a similar texture to the last one. Everything was just blurry. No visuals, the world didn’t breathe, and, worse, the music didn’t move me (it actually felt repetitive and distant). I felt like I was too stuck in my head and detached from my experience/the moment and the people I was with, cycling through thoughts that weren’t really negative but not what I needed to be thinking about in that moment. Largely these thoughts were me taking inventory of different aspects of my life and the night and being confused why everything should have been good, but I my brain and body didn’t feel that way.
I wanted to experience music and the evening with the intense joy and color mushrooms usually provide, but instead I just felt this transient unease because nothing about the trip felt like any of the good ones. I had bursts of positive energy but my mind would get distracted pretty quickly.
I don’t think any external factors in my life are at play here, I’m happy with where I’m at right now and nothing bothered me beyond my detachment from the trip itself.
I did smoke weed on the come up of these last two trips, but I have smoked heavily during past trips and really enjoyed them. And the come-ups have been enjoyable. Once I peaked, though, the world just kinda became this confusing stop-motion and I feel like my sense of perception is dampened and distorted, rather than enhanced and distorted.
I’m ready to trip again after my usual cooldown of a month or more, but I’d be really sad to have a similar experience as the last two times. Something major has become abruptly and powerfully missing and I don’t know what it is.