Angry at the Medical System
I finally just met a primary doctor who actually listens to me and is helpfully treating me. I felt happy, relieved at first. I still feel excited for the changes to come now that I have access to treatment.
I have been reflecting on the changes I’ve had in a short period of time, and I am angry. I feel grief for the self I could have connected to so much earlier! I’ve show signs my whole life. I was privileged enough to have a parent to helped me access gyno care as a teen. No one addressed the signs, there just told me to lose weight. (When you are fat, people never assess for an ED).
I’ve been sensitive to estrogen since a teen and bad birth control reactions. I’ve had mood issues all my life that got worse the older I got. Cardiovascular issues at a young age. I developed hair in the wrong places.
I was bigger all my life and it only got worse. I always reported irregular periods. I had acne at 9 years old! And it has never gone away. Starting like 5 years ago I started showing physical signs of insulin resistance. That is when I started asking to be tested.
Doctors made half assed attempts. I got dismissed. I got told theres no treatments, come back when you wanna have babies. And all this fucking time, there was treatment. There was were things that could help me feel more stable. Things that help my skin, metabolism, fatigue, emotional liability. Shit, even my OCD symptoms have improved some!
I have so much grief for what a younger version of me could have had. All these treatments were around then.