Im tired, I feel stuck, Im starting to doubt myself
Just ranting. I fucking hate myself to the core. I had my final interview. I wasted a 40k offer. I’m a stutterer, and I panic a lot because of anxiety, which makes it even worse in tense situations. I hate it so much. I just want to cry. The questions were so simple “What are your 5 strengths?” and I still couldn’t answer them. Even when introducing my background, I barely said anything.
I practiced for 4 days and even prayed a lot for this. The stateside interviewer was nice, genuinely kind, but I felt so ashamed. On the question “What’s more important, quality or speed?” 30 seconds had already passed and I still couldn’t answer, even though I knew exactly what I wanted to say.
I know I’m smart. But fuck this stutter. I ended the call after the third question.
I’m devastated. I fucked up. I hate myself.