Hey y’all,
I have been silently reading this thread for the last month because my mom has been in the process of getting diagnosed with PC. She has inoperable stage IV pancreatic cancer that has metastasized to her liver and the doctor gave no prognosis (the lesions on the liver were too small to get a biopsy at the time of getting the biopsy on the 2 cm growth on her pancreas). We officially got the diagnosis this week, and she won’t be meeting again with the oncologist for another month. My parents haven’t shared all the specifics of the diagnosis because they are emotionally fatigued (which I understand), but I’m also sure they are going to opt out of chemo as my mom doesn’t really believe in modern medicine and is choosing to change her diet and do acupuncture 5x a week instead.
All of this comes at a time when I was 4 months out from moving across the country to get my Masters degree. I got accepted into a highly competitive program, and I have basically told everyone that I was moving but now I don’t know what to do. I know this disease is very aggressive and I’m scared with no treatment plan and a month wait for her next visit, we are going to see a rapid regression in her condition, but I’m trying to hold out hope. I’ve been in contact with the university about the situation and they told me if I defer I would keep my slot and scholarship without having to reapply, so at least that is an option. I know with that info I should just defer so that I can be more readily available to be with my mom, but I think part of me wants this massive distraction so that I’m not just thinking about how horrible this situation is 24/7. Right now I am in between jobs (because I was gearing up to move), so I just sit day in and day out thinking about all of this and it is exhausting having the what ifs constantly playing in my head. I workout and walk because it feels like the only thing I can control in my life right now, but the rest of my day I just doom scroll to distract myself.
Me being between jobs is also super tough. I feel like I can’t start a new job because I wont have the flexibility to fly out and see my mom if/when I need to. This situation is also going to start putting financial strain on me because I don’t have a robust source of income at the moment (I have a couple income sources so I’m not completely dead in the water but it’s not enough to pay the bills without dipping into my savings).
All this to say, I am completely overwhelmed. I know I should defer my attendance, I just feel like I need others to tell me that it is in fact the right move to make because I feel really lost and decision fatigued. I also don’t know what to do on in terms of job searching either. There is so much more emotional fatigue that goes into this situation (and I know the people in this thread get that) but I feel like this post is long enough so I won’t get into it haha Anyways, I appreciate the responses in advance.