“some people touch your soul before your hands”
“Well, maybe you are the chosen one.”
That’s what he said to me once.
And I remember thinking…
chosen for what?
To love someone so deeply that it destroys me from the inside out?
To get hurt while still holding onto them with every part of my soul?
Look what you’ve done to me.
The things I used to fear no longer scare me anymore.
You made me stronger somehow.
Bolder.
Colder.
And yet I still feel numb.
No matter how much time passes, there are nights where I still sink so low thinking about you.
We never met.
I never got the chance to touch your face, your hands, or hold you close.
But somehow…
you touched my soul from miles away.
And maybe that’s the part that hurts the most.
You healed the inner child inside me before you left.
You made me feel seen in ways nobody ever did.
Sometimes it feels insane that distance could create something this intense.
Because even without meeting you, I still remember the feeling of your presence as if you were beside me all along.
I don’t know where you are now.
But every time I think about you, I still get scared a little.
Not because I hate you.
But because you changed me forever.
You lied so smoothly that I didn’t even notice myself falling apart until it was too late.
You made me sick with love, with longing, with obsession.
And the worst part is…
even when I try to move on, even when I talk to someone new, it never feels the same.
I still crave you in the quietest parts of the night.
And maybe that’s pathetic.
Maybe it’s dangerous.
But if I’m being honest with myself…
a part of me is still waiting for you to come back.— a late-night passage from the book i’m writing.