i (20f) was diagnosed with OCD about 7 months ago, although i’ve had symptoms of OCD my whole life.
recently my symptoms have gotten a lot worse to the point that it’s ruining friendships and relationships for me. i’ve dealt with many OCD subtypes, but the most distressing has been contamination, checking and symmetry.
i have been trying everything i learned in ERP, and it works for a little bit. until someone interferes with my progress. if i’m at home and im trying something small such as taking out trash (which to others may seem easy but my immediate thoughts are "what if this gets me sick" or "im going to have to wash my hands at least 3 times because the trash would have a lot more bacteria than everything else") i try my best. even being near a trash bag is distressing and i have to shower after using twice as much body wash & soap. it’s more distressing when someone else asks me to do something along the same lines (touching or moving something that my brain thinks will kill me). when i explain my contamination ocd to my family, they call me lazy and selfish. saying i made it up just so that i can continue being lazy and selfish and that if i can’t do a simple task then there’s no hope for me in the future. even when i was away from home i would hoard trash in a corner of my room. eventually it got so bad i asked a friend for help, paying them to take it out for me.
i worry that i will be like this forever. the second i make a tiny bit of progress, my family says "well you still didn’t do this or that so you’re lazy stop making excuses to harm others". then that’s when the harm ocd comes to play. after being told that my actions (or lack there of) is harming others, then that must mean i am horrible and i am harming others outside of my control. i got rid of every sharp object in my room incase there’s an incident that it could fall on someone and hurt them and i am blamed. i even had an argument with my mom over dirty laundry. i couldn’t touch the laundry because i was scared that it would get me sick, or even the smallest little bit of bacteria that could be on the clothing would kill me. i explained this to her and and all she said was that my not doing my part is going to lead to her death (she deals with chronic illness). since then i had just been spiralling. i always had thoughts that maybe my OCD is selfish and that if everyone around me says im seeking attention then it must be true.
i just don’t know what to do. i talk to my peers with ocd about this and they’ve never had this because everyone else has been understanding. i just have been trying so hard to find exactly what part of my actions are actively harming others. hopefully someone else here has experienced something similar to my own experiences.