Hello ! First time writing a whole chapter. Looking for a critique or just to know if it's enjoyable or not!
Chapter: 1
It's so cold.
My lips won't stop jittering.
I cannot feel my nose; it must have fallen off my face days ago.
My feet are numb. I can barely feel the brush of the heavy winter boots against my soleus.
Hail was relentlessly falling, drying out my cornea.
I could barely see past the accumulating tears around my swollen eyes.
Not that there was much to see in the first place; all that surrounded me was snow.
It formed a layer atop the earth so thick that my heavy footsteps against it barely left a footprint.
I rubbed my gloved hands around my eyes in a failed attempt to clear the snow that weighed down my lashes.
My stomach gave a loud rumble for what felt like the millionth time since I ran out of sustenance two days ago. I was starving, and my vision was starting to blur. Every breath I took was like inhaling a swarm of tiny, jagged blades, ripping my lungs into shreds.
But I must keep going. I will not be defeated by this blizzard. I refuse to. I dragged my feet through the snow, trying my best not to slip and tumble down again.
"Hello there, friend.
You might be asking yourself: Why is the crown prince of Elaria trekking through the sub-zero blizzards of the far north, looking like a drowned rat and about to turn into a human popsicle?
Well, as much as I take offense to your not-so-fair descriptions of my state, it is still, in fact, a fair question. After all, it is not everyday you see royalty outside the castle walls, let alone hiking through the endless mountains of Uptharya carrying a humongous bag on their back that weighs just about as much as a boulder.
But I would like to assure you, my cynical friend, that I do have a reason—a very important one at that.
It's about my brother, Carlos.
Two weeks ago, the Rebels breached our Eastern walls and invaded the royal castle. As usual, Cole, the face of the rebellion, was present. And as usual, blood followed him. I can still remember it so vividly, as if the smoke was still clearing from the halls: the stench of fire, the copper tang of blood, and the humongous metal creations marching behind him.
No one has ever witnessed Robomagic used on that scale before. Even our head engineer couldn't fathom the sheer mass of them. I can still see that distinct, vibrant blue light that seemed to glow through their iron plating.
That day was unprecedented in its devastation. And when the chaos finally settled, my brother was gone.
The entire Court panicked.
For you see, dear friend, what made that day quite an anomaly was not the vast amount of destruction—that was to be expected whenever Cole was involved—or the fact that the rebels managed to breach our impenetrable castle walls. No, it was the fact that Cole didn't attack alone. This time, he came accompanied by the co-leader of the rebellion: the Shadow.
As the people call them, no one knows their real name, or even their face. All we know is the fact that anyone who meets them never lives to tell the tale. Carlos had the unfortunate luck of being acquainted with the Shadow that day. And true to the legend, we never saw my brother again.
My mother, the Queen, immediately assumed the worst. She held a massive, sweeping funeral for him. They forced me to dress in formal black velvet, stand in front of an entire kingdom, and perform his burial rites.
Do you know how psychotic it felt to chant prayers over an empty stone casket? They didn't even have a body to bury, yet they completely believed he was dead because politics demands closure.
So they wept for a ghost and gave up.
Well, I am not giving up.
I know the Rebels took him alive. In fact, I'm quite sure I was their main target, for after all, as the heir to the throne, I hold more importance. But when they couldn't cage me, they settled for my brother instead. I do not know why they took him, but I know that he is still alive. I will not give up on my hopes until I see his corpse with my own eyes. And if I do, I will not settle for less than my righteous vengeance upon the Shadow.
So, against my mother's wishes, in a hasty mission, I packed what seemed important at the time in the biggest satchel I could find, snuck past my own guards, and ran.
I will get my brother back, even if it kills me. The Rebels who took him from me think they won; they're about to find out how wrong they are.
But, right. Resolving my brother's kidnapping requires me to actually stay alive, which brings us right back to this frozen hellscape, where my toes are currently turning into ice cubes."
The howl of the wind almost blinds me. I raise my arms to protect my face from the tenacious blizzard. It didn't seem like it would calm down any time soon, and I desperately needed to find shelter, but the nearest cabin wasn't for at least another thirteen miles. So, I simply didn't have the luxury to take a break. I needed to reach the cabin.
I was determined.
So I hauled my feet, one step at a time, zeroing in on the loud crunching sounds of my footsteps crashing against the snow so that I had something to focus on that wasn't the chilling cold and the numbness that rippled through my body.
One step... crunch.
My head was feeling light.
Two steps... crunch.
My eyelids felt like leaden weights.
Three steps... crunch.
My knees buckled, catching myself at the last second.
Four steps... crunch.
The white of the blizzard was bleeding into black.
What number was I on... crunch.
I slipped onto the snow, hitting my head so hard a flash of pain raked through my skull. My consciousness was slipping. I needed to get up.
My skin was burning. It was so hot all of a sudden. I needed to rip my coat off my skin; I couldn't take it.
It took all the power in me to open my eyes. My vision was so blurry, but I think I see a pair of fur boots in front of me. I try to lift my heavy head up at the owner of the boots, but my eyes involuntarily slammed shut again suddenly.
The world was so quiet.
I couldn't remember why I needed to get up when it was so comfortable on the pillowy snow.
I slipped into the darkness