u/Common_Athlete6912

The answer is probably obvious, but I 22F have wanted to join since I was 13 for the life skills & benefits

Education, insurance, spouse & dependents, funeral, community ect...

Everything that can help set up mine or family's future.

I've also had suicidal ideation since 13. I haven't talked to anyone about it. Its become a lot more manageable as I got older, but it gets really heavy for about a week, twice a year. I've never attempted & don't plan to. Its still hard though.

I know it won't help me

The stress will be bad, I already don't get enough sleep

But I know I'll also regret not trying

Should give up this dream to seek mental help instead? Is it possible to tough it out long enough or is it not worth trying?

Any advice is appreciated