I just filed for TPO today. Maybe it was recounting of the event that triggered me.. I'm feeling surge of anger today.
I (37F) was assaulted by my ex husband (37M) in 2023, and earlier this month. Without going too much into detail, what happened in 2023 was bad enough he pleaded guilty with 10 year probation, and he is now in jail with no bond with pretty hefty list of felony charges.
We were separated end of 2022, and divorce was finalized in 2024 after about 10 years of marriage.
I had gotten to know about FIRE in 2017. I'm not so sure about retire early part, but I've been aiming for FI though things got loose some times.
We did a lot to accumulate wealth. By we, I mean, i handled all finances and made all big decisions, and my ex went along with it. I guess thats something. I was a little upset he refused to get involved in finances at all, but it was good that he didnt sabotage my goal for the most part.
During the years, we house hacked, lived as one car family, did bank and credit card bonus churning, award traveling, meal planning, meal prepping, kroger fuel points hacking, etc.. I feel like Ive tried almost all frugal hack there is in the world. Some stuck, some, I decided was not worth the effort.
We started with almost nothing. By the time divorce was about to be finalized, we had about $550K worth of net asset to divide, with about half of it in equity of duplex we had lived.
Pre-covid mortgage was under my name only, he wasnt going to qualify for loan himself, and the duplex was a cash flowing property in a great location. I couldnt fathom selling the duplex, so I ended up giving most of my pre-tax retirement account to my ex to settle the divorce, and I later had to liquidate a big chunk of my Roth IRA and scape every dollar of cash I had, when I couldnt get the HELOC to meet the settlement agreement.
They say divorce is worth it. It was not all my money to begin with. I can build it back up. Whatever.. I tried and still try to not feel too bumbed about it.
But man... one of the thing he said during last episode trigger so much resentment.
At some point, he had a tip of a chef knife like an inch from one of my eyes.. pretty much saying all his financial misfortune is my fault, and it was so unfair he only got 10% of duplex.. yeah... the cash i had to scrape after I had given practically all my retirement account, on top od all the retirement account I maxed out for him.
When things got deescalated enough, I told him that i gave up practically all my retirement accoount.. he says "but you are going to make it all back, so it's not that big of a deal to you".
So in his mind, all the marital asset should've gone to him because he can barely hold down low wage job while Im making millions of dollars in his mind. (I don't. I'm a manager in public accounting, and I work very hard for the decent salary).
I have so many other reasons to be upset and angry.
But that comment, stirs up so much resentment from past 13 years..
I tried to be good sport about splitting the asset. But I get a knife pointed at me for not giving all my asset.
So today, I lament my retirement account. How much work went into it... How much time it took to grow.. All my effort he took and took and took and still felt entitled to more even after the divorce was finalized.