u/Common_Strawberry982

i am afraid of racing thoughts

i am afraid of having big ideas

or too much creativity.

i am afraid of speaking too quickly or accidental rhymes

i am afraid of being too happy and spiraling into euphoria.

i hate going out or staying too busy

all things that might mean i’ve gone too far again.

i try to control how rapidly i speak just in case

i try not to act too energetic or buy anything frivolous.

i am terrified of mania and everything that comes with it .

i am terrified of my loved ones analyzing my every move, making assumptions about my mental state.

i hold onto my depression like a security blanket and i am terrified to let it go

because of what it might mean.

sometimes i think i might hate me.