Let go from my job. Need perspective
I beg your pardon in advance as this may turn out to be word vomit but I need to get it out there. As the title of the post says, I was let go from my job at a Big 4 over 2 weeks ago. For the time being, I'm getting severance pay. I was a manager in consulting, which I got promoted to in 2023 I did a stint in audit previously at another Big 4.
Essentially what it comes down to is that I was let go because I didn't do enough Business Development work. Fine. Whatever, I didnt do part of the job. A few things with that. I was in a model that was supposed to focus on client deliverables and less on that stuff but somewhere along the way they really pushed hard for everyone in the firm to do that stuff. Another thing is that I have a toddler son (born a few months before my promo) who demands my full attention, my client was a demanding one that required a full 40 hours of focus on that (I had no issue with the client work itself), and my wife also works a demanding job with a nasty commute.
I know I'm far from the only one with these circumstances, but it took a huge toll on me mentally. I became the primary parent for my son because quite frankly, my wife had a rough time postpartum coupled with her own job, so I stepped up at home to do a lot of the parent-y things. It's exhausting physically and mentally to deal with a toddler. I felt extremely burned out between my job and parenting. My marriage and my mental health was tanking. The last thing on my mind was work after spending a lot of energy on getting my kid to bed (and he makes bedtime difficult often lol).
The last part of it is that if I'm being honest with myself, I don't *want* to do all that extra shit on top of client work at work. And it's also not that I just dont want to do it but also that I'm not cut out for proposals and sales and upper management that you're supposed to do. I always knew I was never Senior Manager material. The way I am, I'm better with concrete direction than I am with leading. I feel lost a lot if I'm asked to lead something totally new.
Especially after having my son and becoming a parent, I've found about myself that I just want to do my 8 hours, peace out and then be there with my family without any added pressure of KPIs and metrics and all that bullshit. I don't care about being upper management; not trying to be partner or a CEO or shit like that. I'll give you the best 40 hours I can to my ability, but I don't have much capacity beyond that.
I know that sounds "terrible" in our industry, but it's what I've learned about myself. Does that make me unmotivated; un-ambitious? Am I alone in feeling this way? Am I just a lazy POS? I guess I just need to find something outside of this business.