Family is fed up
I started this journey about a year ago when I had a prolonged seizure after a prescription interaction--put me in hospital overnight and had to wait it out through the public system in my country to get an EEG and an MRI, and they found a reasonably large cortical dysplasia on my frontal lobe. After 3 months of sleep seizures, focal seizures and one grand mal I was finally put on keppra, and I tolerated that well. No seizures for 9 months somehow, until a month ago when I didn't get any sleep, did a full day of work and went straight to sleep and forgot my night dosage. I had a 8 minute or so grand mal in my sleep, lacerating my lip completely, breaking two of my teeth and needing a complete review of everything. Saw a private neuro 3 days later somehow, she gave me two options of rescue meds just in case, and I've had to use midazolam twice-- both stopping the auras or incoming seizures. Neuropsychiatry clinic now has me on valproate after some possible sleep episodes but my family is getting fed up with me slowing my life down.
I was doing a full time BMus in singing but dropped two papers after the seizure because obviously I cannot sing with half of my lip stitched up, and they were still unhappy about me dropping my university load. I live at home so they think I'm under their regime; they want me to do four papers a semester and drop hours at work, but I want to work so I can move overseas and get away from my country--there's no opera scene here. My brother is off in Australia now doing a law internship in Sydney, and my younger brother is doing pre-med. My parents are so confused as to why I'm being 'so financially moronic' because prolonging my degree by doing 2-3 papers per semester as opposed to 4 would increase my student loan in my country. Like-- how effing hard is it to understand how it is waking up every morning, triple-checking my blister pack so I don't fall over and break my skull again while crossing the street, why don't they understand I just want to rest. To me, their view of failure is that any failure is failure and that I'm still to blame no matter what, and I need to stop victimising myself and slowing myself down. Do they not understand the implications behind being on 3 AEDs and 8 other medications related to gastric surgery matters? Do they not understand how, as a 21 year old man I have to grapple with the ultimately depressing concept that I won't be able to have kids morally due to my plethora of genetically transferrable family conditions? Like, give me a break. I have no other family to talk to about this, and no real community other than my medical staff and a few friends at Uni. I have really little path right now in my studies at the moment, I'll never get a visa other than here and australia as I'm a citizen, due to all my conditions and all my opera aspirations are in europe--no go really.
Really, I just can't believe that my life three years ago had peaked and now I'm at rock bottom.